We would find the hammer for him, and then he would have lost sight of the mark he had made on the wall, where the nail was to go in, and each of us had to get up on the chair, beside him, and see if we could find it; and we would each discover it in a different place, and he would call us all fools, one after another, and tell us to get down. And he would take the rule, and re-measure, and find that he wanted half thirty-one and three-eighths inches from the corner, and would try to do it in his head, and go mad.

And we would all try to do it in our heads, and all arrive at different results, and sneer at one another. And in the general row, the original number would be forgotten, and Uncle Podger would have to measure it again.

He would use a bit of string this time (он использует кусок веревки на этот раз), and at the critical moment, when the old fool was leaning over the chair at an angle of forty-five (и в критический момент, когда старый дурак наклоняется на стуле под углом в сорок пять /градусов/), and trying to reach a point three inches beyond what was possible for him to reach (и пытается дотянуться до точки, /находящейся/ на три дюйма дальше, чем возможно для него = чем он может достать; to reach — добираться, достигать; протягивать/ся/), the string would slip, and down he would slide on to the piano (веревка выскальзывает /из руки/, и он соскальзывает = падает на фортепьяно), a really fine musical effect being produced by the suddenness (действительно прекрасный музыкальный эффект производится внезапностью) with which his head and body struck all the notes at the same time (с которой его голова и тело ударяют по всем клавишам одновременно; to strike a note — взять ноту; note — нота; клавиша).

And Aunt Maria would say that she would not allow the children to stand round and hear such language (и тетя Мария говорит, что не разрешает детям стоять рядом и слушать такой язык = подобные выражения).

At last, Uncle Podger would get the spot fixed again (наконец, дядя Поджер находит /нужное/ место снова; to fix — устанавливать, прикреплять; определять местоположение), and put the point of the nail on it with his left hand (и приставляет острие гвоздя к нему левой рукой), and take the hammer in his right hand (и берет молоток в правую руку). And, with the first blow, he would smash his thumb (и первым ударом он попадает по большому пальцу; to smash — разбивать/ся/, ломать/ся/; наносить сильный удар), and drop the hammer, with a yell, on somebody's toes (и роняет молоток с /пронзительным/ воплем на чью-то ногу; toe — палец на ноге; носок).

piano [p'aenu] thumb [m] toe [tu]

He would use a bit of string this time, and at the critical moment, when the old fool was leaning over the chair at an angle of forty-five, and trying to reach a point three inches beyond what was possible for him to reach, the string would slip, and down he would slide on to the piano, a really fine musical effect being produced by the suddenness with which his head and body struck all the notes at the same time.

And Aunt Maria would say that she would not allow the children to stand round and hear such language.

At last, Uncle Podger would get the spot fixed again, and put the point of the nail on it with his left hand, and take the hammer in his right hand. And, with the first blow, he would smash his thumb, and drop the hammer, with a yell, on somebody's toes.