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We agreed to bring it up as soon as Odelia was done talking to the Duchess of Bristol, aka Jennie, but then a loud noise told us another visitor had arrived.

And judging from Gran’s excited cries, it was none other than the Queen!

Chapter 23

It was a great honor and a wonderful opportunity to meet the one and only Queen, of course, but what I was looking most forward to was meeting those famous corgis, and I sincerely hoped she’d brought them along.

“So you better be on your best behavior,” said Harriet, suddenly deciding she was the one in charge. “No backtalk and no foul language from any of you—is that understood?”

“I don’t think the Queen speaks our language,” Dooley pointed out.

“Obviously I’m not talking about the Queen,” said Harriet. “I’m talking about her precious corgis. Be polite and show them the respect they deserve.”

“Oh, for crying out loud,” said Brutus. “They’re just dogs!”

“They’re royal dogs. And they just happen to be the most famous dogs in the world. People even make movies about them, so they’re not ‘just dogs.’ They’re brothers and sisters and we need to be on our best behavior. Show them we’re not the country bumpkins they probably take us for. That we’re worthy of being in their royal presence. Basking in their glow. Moving in their sophisticated circles.”

Brutus clearly wasn’t in agreement, but there was no time to complain, for the door swung open and there she was: the Queen, resplendent in fluorescent pink. Pink dress, pink coat and pink hat. She clutched her famous purse, the one she uses to signal her staff when she needs to be rescued from garrulous and annoying company, her face split in a wide, full-toothed smile.

“She has such nice teeth,” Dooley marveled. “Will you look at those snappers? They’re absolutely perfect.”

“Not her own, probably,” I said. “Humans tend to lose their teeth, and then have them replaced with new ones made of plastic.”

“Plastic teeth? How weird,” said Dooley.

“It’s true, though. Grandma has fake teeth.”

“Oh, that’s right,” said Dooley. “I’ve seen her take them out.”

We watched in fascination as Gran actually curtsied before the Queen, and showed her own, almost identical, choppers to the beloved monarch.

“Such an honor,” Gran gushed. “I’ve been meaning to ask you, Your Highness, if you could spare a few moments of your precious time, could you perhaps give me a couple of pointers on how to be a queen?”

The Queen gave her a curious look.“Whatever do you mean, Mrs. Vesta?”

“Well, the thing is—I’m going to be queen myself, you see. Over in America. And since you’ve held the job for so long now, I’m sure you’re perfectly positioned to help a newbie get started on her queenly tenure.”

The Queen’s left eyebrow quivered slightly, expressing surprise. “You’re going to be Queen of America?”

“Yes, I am. I’ve got it all worked out. See, the presidential system we got now isn’t cutting it anymore. Too fickle for a great nation like ours. What we need is a queen, who will rise above the political fray and all those bickering politicians. And there’s no one better suited for the role than me. Besides which, it was my idea, so I got first dibs. And then of course I’m giving the throne to Odelia—I’m skipping a generation, you see, mainly because my son-in-law is a jackass and he’d only ruin things if he became king.”

“Very wise,” said the Queen, then leaned in and said, under her breath, “I’ve been thinking along those same lines myself, quite frankly.”

“Great minds think alike!” said Gran, eliciting a chuckle from the monarch.

The Queen approached Tessa with outstretched arms.“Oh, my dear, dear Tessa. What an ordeal you have suffered through. Are you all right?”

“I’m fine, Ma’am,” said Tessa.

The Queen tsk-tsked.“How many times have I told you not to call me that? It’s Gam-Gam!”

“Yes… Gam-Gam,” said Tessa, struggling to get the words across her larynx.

“So you were attacked, is that it?” The Queen asked, giving Tessa a keen look.

“Oh, no, nothing like that,” Tessa assured the older woman. “Just kids playing a prank.”

“Oh, dear. Kids these days. They will go too far.” She lightly touched Tessa’s cheek. “You’re hurt, I see.”

“Nothing serious,” Tessa was quick to say. “Just a graze.”

“From the firecrackers?”

“No, I must have hit something when I dropped to the floor.”

“Very distressing,” the Queen said. “Very distressing indeed.” She then cut a curious glance to Odelia and Chase. “I do hope you’re making progress on your inquiries,” she said vaguely.

“Inquiries?” inquired Odelia.

“A little birdie told me you’re here on Angela’s instigation to look into certain… allegations.” She sighed. “I do hope you will move your investigation along quite speedily. At my age one wants nothing more than to see one’s family happy and safe from harm.”

“One knows,” said Harriet, sounding surprised. “One actually knows!”

“One what?” asked Dooley.

“The Queen! She knows!”

“Knows what?” asked Brutus.

“She knows that Odelia is here to investigate the assassination attempts!”

“Impossible,” I said. “Angela told no one.”