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“He’s not. He hasn’t performed a workout routine in years. Busted hips, and then he broke his pelvis a couple of months ago on top of that. It’s pretty tough to move like a panther when your hips are shot, let me tell you. And I can speak from experience.” She pointed at her own hips. “I’ve been having some issues and it’s not a barrel of laughs.”

“But how did Randy’s hips get busted?” asked Dooley. “Did he do too much fitness?”

Freya laughed.“Too much fitness, yeah right. Too much nookie, that’s what he did!”

“Nookie?” asked Dooley, giving me a look of confusion.

“Too much exercise,” I said quickly, earning myself a strange look from Freya.

“And drugs, of course,” said the Siamese, who seemed to know an awful lot about our celebrity guest. “The man has managed to spend his entire fortune on nose candy, which is why there’s nothing left to pay off these blackmailers.”

“Nose candy?” asked Dooley.

“Candy you put in your nose,” I said. A little lamely, I admit, but I had to think fast.

“Okay,” said my friend, but still had that puzzled look on his face that told me he’d be asking me a lot of questions later on.

“Look, if I were you, I’d simply tell Randy to get his act together, and go to the police,” said Freya. “He’s not doing your humans any favors by hiding away there. If people are really after him it’s probably the dealers he forgot to pay, or the people he borrowed money from and didn’t pay back. And let me tell you, these people play hardball.”

“I like my balls soft,” said Dooley. “Soft and squishy.”

“Yeah, me, too,” said Freya with an amused expression on her face. It was a nice change from before, when she’d treated us like intruders in her home. “I like you, Dooley,” she said. “You’re very funny.”

“Thanks,” said Dooley happily. “You’re pretty funny, too, Freya.”

The Siamese cat laughed.“It’s the first time anyone has ever called me funny!”

There has to be a first time for everything, and at least now we had enough dirt on Randy to convince Marge not to divorce Tex and marry the fitness guru. Though, like I said, love is blind, and we probably could use a lot more!

Chapter 25

Tex went through the motions of giving his celebrity patient a full physical, though frankly he still thought it was a much better idea for the man to go to the hospital and get himself checked out properly. If he had been injected with some unknown toxin, Tex wouldn’t be able to help him anyway.

“You know, Tex,” said Randy now, as Tex tapped the man’s knee with a little hammer and watched his leg bob up prettily, “you are a very lucky man.”

“In what sense?” asked the doctor as he tapped the man’s other knee and noticed the same reaction.

“Your wife,” said Randy with a smile. “You have a wonderful little lady there, Tex. Marge is something else.”

The doctor directed a look of censure at the man. He didn’t like it when other men spoke of Marge this way. Overly familiar, he thought. “I know,” he said curtly.

“No, I don’t think you do,” Randy continued. “How long have you been married, Tex?”

“Twenty-five years,” said Tex automatically as he now shone a light into the man’s eye and observed his pupil response.

“Long time for a couple to be married.”

“Yeah, and happily married, too, in case you were wondering.”

“Do you mind if I speak frankly, Tex?”

He did, but instead said,“No, go ahead.”

“I see a lot of couples in my line of work, as you can imagine. In fact I must have taught classes to thousands of people, men and women alike, but mostly women, and a lot of them are unhappy, Tex, and do you know why?”

“I have no idea,” he said, as he wrapped an inflatable cuff around the man’s arm and started pumping.

“Because their husbands take them for granted. These women sweat through countless hours of my fitness routines, all so they can look good to their husbands, and do you know how those husbands respond? By totally ignoring them! Can you imagine?”

“Real shame,” Tex murmured, wondering when this guy was going to shut up. For a man who was about to die he was pretty darn lively.

“When was the last time you took Marge out on a date, Tex?”

“A date? Um…”

“That long, huh?” said Randy with a sad smile. “Let me give you a piece of advice, Tex. Don’t take your wife for granted. One day you will come home and she won’t be there.”

He gave his patient a look of alarm.“What do you mean? Has she said something to you about leaving?”

“No, but I can see it in her eyes. Marge is unhappy, Tex. She misses the spark.”

“Spark? What spark? What are you talking about?”

“The spark! When a man meets a woman and there’s that spark—that moment when they look into each other’s eyes and sparks fly. You know what I mean. But after twenty-five years of marriage that spark is long gone, and your wife, Doctor Poole, misses it.”

“She does, does she?”

“Of course she does! Here, look me in the eye, Tex.”

Reluctantly Tex looked the man in the eye.

“Now take my hands.”

He took the fitness legend’s hands, which were surprisingly soft and tender.