“And fleas against lice? Rats against mice? Cats against bats?”
“You bet. I don’t even like bats. I think they’re creepy.”
We were both silent for a moment while we contemplated this. Then Dooley said,“It’s a strange world out there, Max.”
Truer words have never been spoken.
Chapter 26
Harriet wasn’t as keen to venture into the duck’s lair as she should have been. The truth of the matter was that this detective stuff was more Max’s thing. Creeping into duck farms at night, talking to ducks and dogs, sniffing out secrets and mysterious clues. It wasn’t really her bag. But since they’d already agreed to do this, she couldn’t back out now. Besides, Brutus liked a bit of action, and she didn’t want to let her hunky sweetums down.
The part of the farm where the ducks were kept were these long, white clapboard one-story buildings. She could hear the quacking even as they approached, and had a hard time adjusting to the smell and the muck that was spread all around the ducks’ homes.
She tried to put her paws down where no mud or—worse—duck poo covered the ground, but it was hard going. As a prissy and fastidious Persian, she hated getting her flawless white fur soiled, and this trip to the duck farm was proving a real challenge.
Oh, how she wished she were home right now, blissfully resting her front paws on her human’s lap. Marge was the finest human a cat could wish for. Odelia wasn’t bad either, but she was too much of an amateur detective in Harriet’s view. Marge, who worked at the local library, was a real homebody, which was perfect for Harriet, for she was just the same.
“Hey, you guys,” said Brutus now. “I think this is it. Do you smell that?”
Harriet wrinkled her nose.“I’ve been smelling nothing else for the past half hour.”
“Duck poop,” said Milo, who was proving himself to be somewhat of a poop specialist.
“We better head on inside,” said Brutus. “And talk to those birds.”
“Is a duck a bird?” asked Milo. “I’m not so sure.”
“Of course they’re birds,” said Harriet, who’d grown to detest Milo. She hadn’t forgotten how he convinced her Dooley’s poop-smearing antics were a seduction technique.
“There’s a growing consensus in the scientific community that ducks are actually small humans with wings.”
Oh, this was rich.“Humans! Are you crazy? Ducks aren’t mammals!”
“Actually, they are. They’re an ancient peoples, who lived on a small and sheltered island paradise, where they had developed a very sophisticated and technologically advanced society. They lived in peace and harmony for thousands of years, until a great cataclysm destroyed the island and forced them to evacuate. The creatures we now know as ducks are the descendants of that original society. Very sophisticated. Highly intelligent.”
They were staring out across the stable, where thousands upon thousands of ducks were resting on a bed of straw. Softly quacking, they spread a distinct and musty odor.
“They don’t look so sophisticated to me,” Brutus grunted skeptically.
“They’re so intelligent our own intellect is too weak to grasp the message they’re trying to purvey,” said Milo. “These gentle creatures are way ahead of us. Way ahead.” He then directed a kindly glance at his compatriots. “Though you guys are the most intelligent felines I’ve ever encountered. Definitely a lot more intelligent than Max or Dooley.”
“Well, that’s not so hard,” said Brutus with a grin.
Harriet gave her mate a critical look. Had he already forgotten who they were dealing with? Milo’s modus operandi seemed to be to turn cats against each other.
“Especially you, Brutus,” said Milo now, placing a paw on the black cat’s shoulder. “You’re probably the smartest one of the bunch. Handsome, intelligent, kind, with a big heart and a noble character. A real leader, in fact.”
“I’m glad someone finally noticed,” Brutus grunted.
“And I’m surprised Max doesn’t appreciate you more.”
“Well, Max is… Max, I guess,” said Brutus. “He’s been here longer than me.”
“That’s no excuse. You’re clearly leadership material, Brutus. You should be the one in charge.”
“Don’t get me wrong,” said Brutus. “Max is a great friend. But he probably shouldn’t try to do everything himself. I’ve told him over and over again he should delegate more.”
“Not delegate. Acknowledge your strength and relinquish the crown he’s taken.”
“Brutus,” said Harriet crossly. “Can I have a word with you in private?”
“Later, petal. Milo is saying some very interesting things here.”
“Brutus. Now!” she snapped, and stalked off to a corner of the stable.
Brutus followed reluctantly.“What’s wrong?” he asked.
“He’s doing it again!” she loud-whispered. “He’s setting you up against Max!”
“No, he’s not. He’s just pointing out a few facts. Facts I happen to agree with.”
“He’s sucking up to you!”
“Hey, he’s telling the truth.”
“Oh, Brutus,” she said, rolling her eyes.
Then she saw how Milo had stalked over to a small group of ducks and was now holding forth on something, the ducks all listening intently.
“What is he doing?” she asked.