4c392a139708e5efb30cc267dbb0c768

She moved upstairs to help her grandmother settle in—or convince her to move out. When she found the old lady bouncing up and down on the bed in the guest bedroom, she abandoned that particular hope. Granny Muffin looked like she was ready to make her granddaughter’s home her new permanent home away from home.

“Did you find the sheets?” she asked, then saw that Gran had. Her finest pink ones, no less. The ones with the Hello Kitty theme. The ones she’d put away when Chase started staying over. Nothing acts as a natural testosterone repellent like Hello Kitty pink does.

“I found a male toothbrush in the bathroom,” Gran announced sternly.

How she would distinguish a male toothbrush from a female one Odelia did not know. As far as she knew toothbrushes were genderless. Nevertheless she blushed.

“It’s possible Chase has been staying over once or twice.”

Gran cocked her head.“Honey, I don’t want to interfere with your love life.”

Hope surged.

“So whenever you guys feel horny just tell me and I’ll put in my earplugs.”

Hope crashed.

“How long will you be staying?” she asked, braving Granny’s ire.

“Forever by the looks of things.” She glanced around at the guest bedroom, a small affair in comparison to Gran’s own room next door. “I like it here. I think I’ll be very happy. Do you have a VCR? I don’t want to miss my favorite shows. I like to tape them just in case.”

“VCR went out the window when the world went digital, Gran.”

Gran’s eyes went wide. “I’m gonna miss my shows? I can’t miss my shows!”

“Relax. I’ve got DVR, and so has Dad.”

“Yeah, ask for instructions. He’s got all the deets. He’s been taping my stuff forever.” A cloud momentarily passed over her face, and her dentures dug into her lower lip at the mention of her son-in-law. The moment passed and then she was strong again. “Better yet, ask Alec. He’ll knowwhat to do. At least Alec never kicked me out of his home.”

“You never lived in Alec’s home, Gran.”

“That’s what I meant,” she said vaguely, then bounced up from the bed. “Now show me how to work the shower. I like it not too hot, not too cold, and Tex never moves the mixer tap. I hate it when people move the mixer tap. Pisses me off big time.”

And as Odelia followed her grandmother into the bathroom, she discovered a newfound appreciation for her mother and father’s predicament. She’d lived with her grandmother for all of half an hour and already she was contemplating geronticide.

Chapter 27

We were finally on our way home, having struck out in our mission to find Burt’s Shadow. Dooley kept harping on about Uncle Alec and Harriet and Brutus for a while but then fell into a contemplative silence. Which suited me just fine. I had my own thoughts to contend with. It might surprise you but cats are deep thinkers. And so it was that when Dooley finally spoke again,it was to launch into a train of thought that took me by surprise.

“Maybe we should get girlfriends, Max.”

I was slightly taken aback.“Girlfriends? What do you mean?”

“Like Uncle Alec and that mystery woman in the car. Or Brutus and Harriet.” He shrugged. “Everybody has a girlfriend. Even Uncle Alec has a girlfriend. What about Shanille? You like Shanille, don’t you? And she can sing. Who doesn’t want a girlfriend who can sing?”

The thought of Father Reilly’s homely tabby didn’t stir any of those finer feelings in me that one associates with eternal love and affection and I told Dooley in no uncertain terms that never in my life would I want to find myself in a passionate embrace with Shanille.

“Then who, Max? There has to be a Molly out there for us somewhere, right?”

Frankly I hadn’t given the matter as much thought as Dooley obviously had. Which just goes to show. Still waters sometimes do run deep. Or is it shallow waters? No matter.

“Look, if the right one is out there for us, one day we’ll find her. Or she’ll find us.”

He gave me a look of hope.“You think so?”

“I know so.” Actually I didn’t, but the topic of conversation was not one on which I cared to dwell at the moment.

“What about Clarice?”

“What about her?”

“Doesn’t she make your heart go pitter-patter?”

Clarice did make my heart go pitter-patter, but that was probably because she scared the living daylights out of me.“Not really. Why? Do you like her?”

He gave this serious consideration.“I admire her. I think she’s great. But I don’t see her in a romantic light. Not like Richard Gere saw Julia at the end ofPretty Woman. Or all those couples inLove Actually. Though I do think that one day Clarice will find love again.”

“Again? You think she found it before?”

That was a toughie, and he was lost in thought once more. When he finally emerged, it was to address a different topic altogether.“Maybe I should take one of those pills.”

I looked up in alarm.“Pills? What pills?”

“The ones you and Brutus took. It’s obvious they did you a lot of good.”

“They made us puke our guts out.”

“And then they made you find love.”

“I didn’t find love.”