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I touched my tail to hers.“It’s all right, Shanille. It wasn’t your fault. No need to repent. As far as I can make out this Limo Cat—Love Symbol—is the one who brought these fleas into our lives, not you.”

“Please go away, Max,” she said in a strangled voice. “I would be alone.”

“Don’t be too hard on yourself, Shanille,” I said. “And stop splashing yourself with water. It’s very uncatlike and frankly a little creepy.”

She nodded, her face still hidden.“I know. But I have to do it. This is all my fault, Max. If I hadn’t succumbed to the temptations of sin, this would never have happened. If I hadn’t fallen for the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eye and the pride of life, Hampton Cove would have been spared this terrible ordeal.” She looked up, a sad look in her eyes. “I’m a sinner, Max, and now I must repent and hope I will be forgiven.”

“I forgive you, Shanille,” I said magnanimously.

She clucked her tongue.“Would that it were so simple, Max.”

“Uh-huh,” I said, for lack of anything better to say. I am, after all, not a confessor.

We watched as Shanille made the leap back up to the edge of the baptismal font, and started splashing water over her head once more, murmuring incantations to herself.

“She’ll get over it,” said Brutus.

“Would that it were so simple,” Dooley said.

Chapter 9

As we left the church, I wondered what the odds were for the Most Virtuous Cat in the World to meet the Most Charming Cat in the World and together turn Hampton Cove from a bucolic little town into a flea-infested hellhole. Slim, probably. And still it happened.

“So what’s the plan, Max?” asked Dooley.

“Yes, we need to confront this Love Symbol,” said Brutus. “Teach him a lesson he’ll never forget.”

“Violence, always violence,” said Harriet, still morose even after her prayers. “Why is it that men always seem to resort to violence as the first solution for every problem?”

Brutus frowned.“Because it works?”

Harriet sighed.“Oh, Brutus. You do bore me sometimes.”

Brutus exchanged a quick look of concern with me. Harriet was getting worse. The FOMO virus had taken root and was spreading, quickly poisoning her soul.

“At the very least we should figure out who this Love Symbol is,” I said.

“And then we’ll knock his block off,” Brutus said with a decisive nod.

“Violence, violence,” Harriet muttered.

“Not knock his block off,” I said, “but talk to him. Reason with the cat. Tell him to seek help for his flea affliction. I’m sure that when we explain to him how he’s responsible for this recent outbreak he’ll be horrified and more than happy to comply.”

“That’s it?” asked Brutus, disappointed. “That’s your big solution? Talk to the cat?”

“Sure. Love Symbol probably doesn’t even know what’s going on.”

“But he’s driving through town—seducing our lady cats!”

“No law against that,” I said.

“Some kind of pied piper is wreaking havoc in our community and you’re going to let him get away with it? No way. I know you’re a pacifist and all but that is just plain wrong.”

“So what do you suggest? We rough him up? We’re cats, Brutus, not animals.”

“Catsare animals!”

“Still. No need to resort to violence. I’m sure Love Symbol is a perfectly decent cat and—”

“He’s a harbinger of doom!”

“And he works for the Deep State,” said Dooley. “Bringing death and destruction to all cats.”

Brutus gestured to my friend.“See? Even Dooley agrees with me on this one.”

I was slowly losing my patience with these cats.“How many times do I have to say it? There is no Deep State. There is no secret plan to wipe out the country’s cat population. And Love Symbol doesn’t work for the CIA!”

“I have an idea,” suddenly Harriet spoke up. She’d been uncharacteristically quiet for the past five minutes. “We know where Love Symbol picks up his victims, right?”

“On the corner of Franklin and First,” I said.

“So why don’t we meet him there tonight, and see what he has to say for himself?”

“He’s not going to stop his limo for us,” I said. “Love Symbol likes his cats young, pretty and, most importantly, female.”

Harriet cocked her head and smiled. And then I got it. And so did Brutus, judging from the way sound was escaping from his lips like steam from a busted pipe.

“No way!” he bellowed.

“Yes, way,” Harriet insisted.

“You’re not going to act as bait for that maniac!”

“Oh, yes, I am.” She touched Brutus’s shoulder. “How else are we going to make him pull over his limo? And how else are we going to get him to open his door? This cat is coy, and when he sees the four of us he’ll tell his driver to punch the gas and lay rubber. No, the way I see it is that one of us must get him to pull over and since last time I checked I am the only female in our little band of four, it’s up to me to do the honors.”

“No!” said Brutus. “I won’t let you!”

“Brutus,” I said. “She’s right. There’s no way Love Symbol, or whatever his name is, will pull over his limo for you or me or Dooley. Harriet’s plan is our only option.”