A Murder Is Announced

‘The trouble with you is, Murgatroyd, as I said just now, that you won’ttry. Now pay attention. This is what happened. Whoever it is that’s got it in for Letty Blacklock was there in that room that evening. He (I sayhe because it’s easier, but there’s no reason why it should be a man more than a woman except, of course, that men are dirty dogs), well, he has previously oiled that seconddoor that leads out of the drawing-room and which is supposed to be nailed up or something. Don’t ask mewhen he did it, because that confuses things. Actually, by choosing my time, I could walk into any house in Chipping Cleghorn and do anything I liked there for half an hour or so with no one being the wiser. It’s just a question of working out where the daily women are and when the occupiers are out and exactly where they’ve gone and how long they’ll be. Just good staff work. Now, to continue. He’s oiled that second door. It will open without a sound. Here’s the set-up: Lights go out, door A (the regular door) opens with a flourish. Business with torch and hold-up lines. In the meantime, while we’re all goggling, X (that’s the best term to use) slips quietly out by door B into the dark hall, comes up behind that Swiss idiot, takes a couple of shots at Letty Blacklock and then shoots the Swiss. Drops the revolver, where lazy thinkers like you will assume it’s evidence that the Swiss did the shooting, and nips back into the room again by the time that someone gets a lighter going. Got it?’

‘Yes-ye-es, but who was it?’

‘Well, ifyou don’t know, Murgatroyd, nobody does!’

‘Me?’ Miss Murgatroyd fairly twittered in alarm. ‘But I don’t know anythingat all. I don’treally, Hinch!’

‘Use that fluff of yours you call a brain. To begin with, where was everybody when the lights went out?’

‘I don’t know.’

‘Yes, you do. You’re maddening, Murgatroyd. You know whereyou were, don’t you? You were behind the door.’

‘Yes-yes, I was. It knocked against my corn when it flew open.’

‘Why don’t you go to a proper chiropodist instead of messing about yourself with your feet?. You’ll give yourself blood poisoning one of these days. Come on, now-you’rebehind the door.I’m standing against the mantelpiece with my tongue hanging out for a drink. Letty Blacklock is by the table near the archway, getting the cigarettes. Patrick Simmons has gone through the archway into the small room where Letty Blacklock has had the drinks put. Agreed?’

‘Yes, yes, I remember all that.’

‘Good, now somebody else followed Patrick into that room or was just starting to follow him. One of the men. The annoying thing is that I can’t remember whether it was Easterbrook or Edmund Swettenham. Do you remember?’

‘No, I don’t.’

‘You wouldn’t! And there was someone else who went through to the small room: Phillipa Haymes. I remember that distinctly because I remember noticing what a nice flat back she has, and I thought to myself “that girl would look well on a horse.” I was watching her and thinking just that. She went over to the mantelpiece in the other room. I don’t know what it was she wanted there, because at that moment the lights went out.

‘So that’s the position. In the drawing-room are Patrick Simmons, Phillipa Haymes, andeither Colonel Easterbrook or Edmund Swettenham-we don’t know which. Now, Murgatroyd, pay attention. The most probable thing is that it wasone of those three who did it. If anyone wanted to get out of that far door, they’d naturally take care to put themselves in a convenient place when the lights went out. So, as I say, in all probability, it’s one of those three. And in that case, Murgatroyd, there’s not a thing you can do about it!’

Miss Murgatroyd brightened perceptibly.

‘On the other hand,’ continued Miss Hinchcliffe, ‘there’s the possibility that itwasn’t one of those three. And that’s where you come in, Murgatroyd.’

‘But how shouldI know anything about it?’

‘As I said before if you don’t nobody does.’

‘But I don’t! I reallydon’t! I couldn’t see anythingat all!’

‘Oh, yes, you could. You’re the only person whocould see. You were standing behind the door. You couldn’t lookat the torch-because the door was between you and it. You were facing the other way, the same way as the torch was pointing. The rest of us were just dazzled. Butyou weren’t dazzled.’

‘No-no, perhaps not, but I didn’tsee anything, the torch went round and round-’

‘Showing youwhat? It rested onfaces, didn’t it? And on tables? And on chairs?’

‘Yes-yes, it did…Miss Bunner, her mouth wide open and her eyes popping out of her head, staring and blinking.’

‘That’s the stuff!’ Miss Hinchcliffe gave a sigh of relief. ‘The difficulty there is in making you use that grey fluff of yours! Now then, keep it up.’

‘But I didn’t see any more, I didn’t, really.’

‘You mean you saw an empty room? Nobody standing about? Nobody sitting down?’

‘No, of course notthat. Miss Bunner with her mouth open and Mrs Harmon was sitting on the arm of a chair. She had her eyes tight shut and her knuckles all doubled up to her face-like a child.’