A Stainless Steel Rat Is Born

"Home sweet home," The Bishop said, smiling benevolently as he looked around. "We'll have to stay in here at least two days. So let us stow our gear well out of sight. Otherwise the captain will threaten to return and the bribe will be higher. I'm sure we can last it out. " "I'm not sure I understand all of that. Haven't you paid the bribe already?" "Only the first installments. Bribes are never shared, that is your first lesson in the gentle art. The spaceman got paid to sneak us aboard, and arranged that a friendly guard would be there to take his cut. Those arrangements are in the past. Our presence aboard this ship is unknown to the officers-and particularly the captain who will need a very large payment indeed. You will see. " "I certainly intend to. Bribery is indeed an exacting science." "It is." "It's a good thing you speak their language so you can do a deal. " His eyebrows shot up at this and he leaned close. "You did not understand us?" he asked.

"I didn't take foreign languages in school." "Foreign!" He looked shocked. "What a backward part of that porcuswine-rearing planet you must have come from. That was not a foreign language, dear boy. That was Esperanto, the galactic language, the simple, second language that everyone learns early and speaks like a native. Your education has been neglected, but that is easily repaired. Before our next planetfall you shall be speaking it as well. To begin with, all present tense verbs in all persons end in as. Simplicity itself..." He stopped as someone tried the handle on the cabin door. His finger touched his lips as he pointed to the adjoining bath. I dived that way and turned on the light there just as he turned off the one in the cabin. He joined me in a rush and jammed in beside me as I flicked off the light. He eased the door shut just as the corridor door opened.

Footsteps thudded across the cabin and there was the sound of thin whistling. A routine inspection, nothing to be seen, he would go away in an instant...

Then the bathroom door opened and the light came on. The gold-braided officer looked at The Bishop cramped into the tiny shower, at me crouching on the commode, as he smiled a singularly dirty smile.

"I thought there was too much activity belowdecks. Stowaways. " A small gun appeared in his hand. "Out. You two are going ashore and I am calling the local police."

Chapter 18

I leaned forward, getting my weight on my legs, muscles tense. Ready to attac)e the instant that The Bishop distracted the officer's attention. I really did not want to go against that gun with my bare hands-but I wanted even less to go back to jail. The Bishop must surely have been aware of this. He reached out a restraining hand.

"Now, let us not be hasty, James. Relax while I talk to this kind officer, " His hand went slowly to his pocket, the gun following his every move, the fingers dipped deep-and came up with a thin wad of credits.

"This is advance payment for a small favor," he said, handing them over to the officer, who took the credits in both hands. Which was easy enough to do now that the gun had vanished just as quickly as it had appeared. He counted while The Bishop talked.

"The favor we so humbly request is that you do not find us for two days. You will be paid this same sum tomorrow, and again 'the day after when you discover us and take us to the captain." The money vanished and the gun reappeared-and I never saw his hands move. He was so good he should have been on the stage.

"I think not," he said. "I think I will take all the money you have concealed on your person and in your bags. Take it and bring you to the captain now. " "Not very wise," The Bishop said sternly. "I will tell the captain exactly how much you took and he will relieve you of it and you will have nothing. I will also tell him which 126 crewmen were bribed and they will fae deprived of their money and you will not be a popular officer on this ship. Will you?" 'There is a certain element of truth in what you say," he mused, rubbing hisjawin thought, hands empty again. "If the payments were increased perhaps..." "Ten percent, no more," said The Bishop, and the payment was made. "See you tomorrow. Please relock the door behind you." "Of course. Have a pleasant journey." Then he was gone and I climbed down from the pot and seized and shook The Bishop's hand. "Congratulations, sir. A masterful demonstration of a science I scarcely knew existed. " "Thank you, my boy. But it helps to know the ground rules. He never had any intention of turning us out of this ship. That was just his bid. I called it, he raised, I matched and closed. He knew he couldn't squeeze higher because I need a large sum in reserve for the captain. Unspoken, but agreed nevertheless, is my silence about the bribe to him. All done by the rules..." His words were cut off by the loud sound of a hooter in the corridor outside, while a red light began blinking rapidly over the door.

"Is something wrong?" I called out.