A Stainless Steel Rat Is Born

"I have an important message for the one in charge here." "Turn about and quick march," the taller guard said, pointing his gun at me. "Capo Dinobli sees no one. " "It's not the capo I care about," I said, looking past him into the courtyard. A tall man in rough clothes was passing. But beneath the ragged cufis of his trousers I saw the gleam of plasteel boots.

"I wish the capo only good health," I called out loudly. "So I hope that he is seeing a good gereontologist and takes his synapsilstims regularly." The guard growled in puzzlement at this-but my words were not for his edification. The man I was looking at in the courtyard stopped suddenly, still. Then slowly turned about. I saw keen blue eyes in a long face. Staring at me in silence. Then he came forward and talked to the guardthough still looking at me. "What is the disturbance?" "Nothing, your honor. Just sending this one on his way." "Let him in. I want to question him." The pointed gun was raised in salute and I marched through the gate. When we were out of earshot of the gate the tall man turned to face me, looking me up and down with frank curiosity.

"Follow me," he said. "I want to talk with you In private. " He did not speak until we were in the keep and inside a room with the door closed behind us. "Who are you?" he asked.

"You know-1 was about to ask you the very same question. Does the League know what you are doing here?" "Of course they do! This is a legitimate..." He caught himself, then smiled. "At least that proves you're from ofiplanet. No one can think that fast here-or knows what you know. Here, sit, then tell me who you are. After that I will judge how much I can tell you of our work." "Fair enough," I said, dropping into the chair and lying my gun on the floor. "My name is Jim. I was a crewman on a Venian freighter-until I got into difficulties with the captain. He dumped me on this planet. That is all there is to it." He pulled up a pad and began to make notes. "Your name is Jim. Your last name is .. ."I was silent. He scowled. "All right, let that go for the moment. What is the captain's name." "I think that I will save that information for later. After you have told me who you are." He pushed the pad aside and sat back in his chair. "I'm not satisfied. Without your identity I can tell you nothing. Where do you come from on Venia? What is the capital city of your planet, the name of the chairman of the global consul?" "It's been a long time, I forgot." "You are lying. You are no more Venian than I am, Until I know more..." "What exactly do you have to know? I am a citizen of the League, not one of the dismal natives here. I watch tri-D, eat at Macswineys-a branch on every known world, forty-two billion sold-1 studied molecular electronics, and have a black Belt in Judo. Does that satisfy you?" "Perhaps. But you told me that you were dumped on this planet from a Venian freighter, which cannot be true. All unapproved contact with Spiovente is forbidden." "My contact was unapproved. The ship was smuggling in guns like this one." That got his attention all right. He grabbed the pad. "The captain's name is..." I shook my head in a silent no. "You'll have that information only if you arrange to get me off this planet. You can do that because you as much as told me you were here with League approval. So let us do a little trading. You arrange for my ticket-1 have plenty of silver groats to pay for it." Or I would have, which was the same thing. "You will also give me some small help in a local matter-then I'll tell you the captain's name." He didn't like this. He thought hard and wriggled on the hook, but could not get off it.

"While you are making your mind up," I said, "you might tell me who you are and what you are doing here." "You must promise not to reveal our identity to the natives. Our presence is well-known ofiplanet, but we can only succeed here tf our operation remains covert. " "I promise, I promise. I owe nothing to any of the locals." He steepled his fingers and leaned back as though beginning a lecture. I had guessed right-as his first words revealed.

"I am Professor Lustig of the University of Ellenbogen, where I hold the chair of applied socioeconomics. I am head of my department and I must say that I founded the department, since applied socioeconomics is a fairly new discipline, an outgrowth, obviously, of theoretical SOCIOI, economics..." I biinked rapidly to keep my eyes from glazing over and forced myself to keep listening. It was teachers like Lustig who made me run away from school.