Agatha H and the Voice of the Castle

Agatha looked at him steadily, but her eyes narrowed. “I promise not to get any cooties on you.”

Vanamonde reddened. “That’s not the point,” he sputtered.

At that moment one of the servers appeared, pot in hand. “Need anything, Van?”

The young man waved at the rest of the table. “More coffee! Please!”

The waitress efficiently refilled everyone’s cup and then paused when she saw that Agatha’s was untouched. “Is everything all right, Mademoiselle?”

“Oh, yes,” Agatha smiled. “It’s fine, thanks.”

After the waitress moved off, Zeetha leaned in close from within a small cloud of powdered sugar. “A problem?”

Agatha reddened slightly. “I’ve never had coffee,” she whispered. “Lilith said a young lady shouldn’t drink stimulants.”

“We’re trying not be conspicuous,” Zeetha pointed out. “Drink your coffee like a warrior.”

Agatha sighed. “Yes, Zeetha.”

She gingerly sipped the hot liquid and almost spit it out. “Ew,” she whispered. “Is it supposed to taste like this?”

Wooster looked upon her with the sympathy of a devoted tea-drinker stranded in the land of the heathen. “Cream and sugar help,” he suggested. Agatha added copious quantities of both.

Meanwhile Van and his grandfather had their heads together. “No, really,” the younger man was asking, “why are they here?”

The old man deliberately tipped some of his coffee into his saucer and added cream and sugar before sipping it delicately. Van tried to ignore this. He knew he was being baited.

The old man smacked his lips loudly. Van closed his eyes. “The girl has made a claim,” Carson stated. “If she is legitimate, she is our liege.”

Van’s eyes flicked over to Agatha as she was gamely draining her cup. “Oh, please.”

Carson shrugged. “If she isn’t, she will still be useful. Strinbeck is a buffoon but Oublenmach is more of a schemer. If he’s out in front here, it means he’s making a big play. Strinbeck means the Fifty Families are involved somehow. I wouldn’t be surprised if there were troops on the way.”

Van sat up. “Troops?”

Carson nodded. “Oh, I’m sure that they’ll be from someone or another who is ostensibly determined to be the first to recognize the new Heterodyne and will only be here to help support her during what will no doubt be a ‘rocky period of transition for the town.’” He cocked an eye at his grandson, who nodded slowly.

“Rocky for us, I imagine, if we don’t support her.”

“That’s my guess. With the Baron down, the Empire will hesitate. Thus, having our own heir will confuse things. Muddy the waters a bit. Slow things down.”

“Cold.”

Both men jumped back as Krosp’s voice emerged from under the table. “And afterwards,” the cat continued, worming his way onto the seat between them, “once the Baron’s back in control, it’d be easy enough for you to get rid of Agatha.” He rubbed his paws together. “I think I like you people.”

Van blinked. “But, your friend—”

Krosp twitched his whiskers. “No, no, it’s okay. You still think she’s a fake.” He smiled. “I know better.”

Van realized he was clutching his coffee cup defensively and set it down with a thump. “Yes, I do think she’s a fake.”

Krosp leaned in and gave Van’s cup a quick sniff. “You’ll learn.” Another sniff. “Pretty soon, too.”

Both men glanced at each other. “Oh?”

Krosp batted at the mug with his paw. “This coffee you gave her. I’m familiar with some of the alkaloids in there…strong stuff?”

The younger man looked offended. “It’s my own personal blend. Naturally, I emphasized its rejuvenating and brain-invigorating properties—”

Carson interrupted, “Once it sits for twenty-four hours, we use it to strip paint. Why?”

Krosp sat back, satisfied. Both men became aware of a faint, high-pitched vibration. They glanced around and saw Agatha, empty cup in hand, quivering. The sound came from the vibrations of the cup hitting the saucer with a sound reminiscent of a dentist’s drill.

“I think,” Krosp drawled, “that you’re about to find out that Lilith was one smart lady.”

A feeling of uneasiness spider-walked down Vanamonde’s spine. He leaned towards Agatha. “Mademoiselle? Are you—”

Suddenly Agatha was looking at him. Looking at him so intensely that he felt pinned to his seat. He didn’t see her move but suddenly her mug was on the table before him. “This stuff is kind of interesting but I don’t see what the big deal is.”

Van blinked. Agatha was talking quickly, almost too quickly to be understood.

“Well, my usual coffee engine is broken so we’re using the backup machine—” He realized he was talking to an empty seat.

“A-HA!”