Английский язык с Джеромом К. Джеромом. Трое в лодке, не считая собаки

Then I wondered how long I had to live. I tried to examine myself. I felt my pulse. I could not at first feel any pulse at all. Then, all of a sudden, it seemed to start off. I pulled out my watch and timed it. I made it a hundred and forty-seven to the minute. I tried to feel my heart. I could not feel my heart. It had stopped beating. I have since been induced to come to the opinion that it must have been there all the time, and must have been beating, but I cannot account for it. I patted myself all over my front, from what I call my waist up to my head, and I went a bit round each side, and a little way up the back. But I could not feel or hear anything. I tried to look at my tongue. I stuck it out as far as ever it would go, and I shut one eye, and tried to examine it with the other. I could only see the tip, and the only thing that I could gain from that was to feel more certain than before that I had scarlet fever.

I had walked into that reading-room a happy, healthy man (я вошел в тот читальный зал счастливым, здоровым человеком). I crawled out a decrepit wreck (/а/ выполз немощной развалиной; decrepit — дряхлый, ветхий, престарелый; wreck — крушение, гибель; остатки кораблекрушения; развалины).

I went to my medical man (я пошел к своему врачу; medical man — врач-терапевт, медик). He is an old chum of mine, and feels my pulse (он мой старый приятель, и он щупает мой пульс; chum — близкий друг, приятель), and looks at my tongue, and talks about the weather (смотрит /на/ мой язык, говорит о погоде), all for nothing (и все это бесплатно), when I fancy I'm ill (когда мне кажется, что я болен; to fancy — воображать, представлять себе; полагать); so I thought I would do him a good turn by going to him now (поэтому я подумал, /что/ окажу ему добрую услугу, если отправлюсь к нему сейчас; to do a good turn — оказать хорошую услугу). "What a doctor wants (что нужно врачу; to want — желать, хотеть; нуждаться)," I said (сказал я /себе/; to say), "is practice (/так это/ практика). He shall have me (у него буду я). He will get more practice out of me than out of seventeen hundred of your ordinary, commonplace patients (он получит больше практики от меня, чем от семнадцати сотен ваших обычных, банальных больных), with only one or two diseases each (с одной-двумя болезнями каждый)." So I went straight up and saw him, and he said (итак, я пошел прямо /к нему/ и повидал/навестил его, и он сказал; to go up — подниматься, идти вверх; to see):

"Well, what's the matter with you (ну, что с тобой)?"

crawled [krɔ:ld] decrepit [dɪˈkrepɪt] wreck [rek] patient [ˈpeɪʃ(ǝ)nt]

I had walked into that reading-room a happy, healthy man. I crawled out a decrepit wreck.

I went to my medical man. He is an old chum of mine, and feels my pulse, and looks at my tongue, and talks about the weather, all for nothing, when I fancy I'm ill; so I thought I would do him a good turn by going to him now. "What a doctor wants," I said, "is practice. He shall have me. He will get more practice out of me than out of seventeen hundred of your ordinary, commonplace patients, with only one or two diseases each." So I went straight up and saw him, and he said:

"Well, what's the matter with you?"

I said: