Английский шутя. Английские и американские анекдоты для начального чтения

See, what did I tell you.

Patient: Doctor, I have a serious memory problem (у меня серьезная проблема с памятью; serious [ˈsɪrɪǝs]; memory [ˈmemǝrɪ]). I can't remember anything! (я ничего не могу запомнить, вспомнить)

Doctor: So, since when did you have this problem? (так, с какого времени у вас эта проблема)

Patient: What problem? (какая проблема)

Patient: Doctor, I have a serious memory problem. I can't remember anything!

Doctor: So, since when did you have this problem?

Patient: What problem?

I can't remember anything!

A man, after being hurt (человек, после того, как получил повреждения, травму: to hurt — причинить боль, повредить, ушибить), calls 911 for help (звонит 911 за помощью).

Man: Operator, operator, call me an ambulance! (вызовите мне скорую помощь / назовите меня скорой помощью — игра слов: to call — вызывать/называть; ambulance [ˈæmbjulǝns])

Operator: Okay, sir, you're an ambulance! (вы — скорая помощь)

A man, after being hurt, calls 911 for help.

Man: Operator, operator, call me an ambulance!

Operator: Okay, sir, you're an ambulance!

Call me an ambulance!

A drummer, sick of all the drummer jokes (ударник, уставший от всех шуток про ударников), decides to change his instrument (решает сменить инструмент). After some thought (после некоторого раздумья), he decides on the accordion (он выбирает аккордеон). So he goes to the music store (и он идет в музыкальный магазин) and says to the owner (и говорит хозяину), "I'd like to look at the accordions, please (я хочу взглянуть на аккордеоны, пожалуйста)."

The owner gestures (указывает) to a shelf in the corner (на полку в углу) and says, "All our accordions are over there (все наши аккордеоны вон там)."

After browsing (после беглого рассматривания; browse — молодые побеги; to browse — ощипывать листья, молодые побеги; пролистывать, небрежно просматривать), the drummer says, "I think I'd like the big red one in the corner (я думаю, мне подойдет большой красный в углу)."

The store owner looks at him (смотрит на него) and says, "You're a drummer, aren't you? (вы ударник, не так ли)"

The drummer, crestfallen (упавший духом: crest — гребешок /петуха/ + to fall — падать), says, "How did you know? (как вы узнали)"

The store owner says, "That 'big red accordion' is the radiator (тот большой красный аккордеон — радиатор; radiator [rædɪˈeɪtǝ(r)])."

A drummer, sick of all the drummer jokes, decides to change his instrument.

After some thought, he decides on the accordion. So he goes to the music store and says to the owner, "I'd like to look at the accordions, please."

The owner gestures to a shelf in the corner and says, "All our accordions are over there."

After browsing, the drummer says, "I think I'd like the big red one in the corner."

The store owner looks at him and says, "You're a drummer, aren't you?"

The drummer, crestfallen, says, "How did you know?"

The store owner says, "That 'big red accordion' is the radiator."

I'd like to look at the accordions, please.

How did you know?

A guy walks into the doctor's office and says (человек заходит в кабинет врача и говорит), "Doc, I haven't had a bowel (кишка, кишечник) movement (движение) in a week! (доктор, у меня нет стула неделю)" The doctor gives him a prescription (дает ему рецепт) for a mild laxative (мягкого слабительного; laxative [ˈlæksǝtɪv]) and tells him, "If it doesn't work, let me know (если не поможет, дайте мне знать)."

A week later (спустя неделю), the guy is back (человек возвращается): "Doc, still (по-прежнему) no movement!"