Apache

Hindsight was kicking in. Shit. It was going to go against us.

‘You decided that you would break the RTS, which clearly states what you can and can’t do. Tell me, where in the RTS does it say that untrained troops can use this procedure? It is an emergency procedure, for aircrew only.’

This went against every principle I have ever stood for. How could we have one rule for us, and one for everyone else?

‘You decided that you would ignore the RTS. Who here has done this for real? Who here has trained for this? Those marines were not trained for this. They were just hanging off the side.’

Billy was the first to tiptoe across this minefield. ‘They were strapped on sir. Well, they were o–’

‘HOW were they strapped on?’

I kept my voice as even as possible. ‘I showed each one of them the correct method, sir.’

He ignored me.

‘So, without any training and with a total disregard for the RTS, you decided to strap men to an aircraft. What would have happened if one of them had fallen off?’

His dark, slightly hooded eyes flashed dangerously. No one answered. We were starting to realise that there would be no ‘well done’.

‘You flew into an enemy stronghold! What would have happened if one of your aircraft had been shot down? Do you realise the implications of the Taliban parading round with an Apache?’

You could have cut the silence that followed with a knife. But the Colonel still hadn’t finished.

‘I simply cannot believe you put two £40-million helicopters in harm’s way, in a vain attempt to save someone that was already dead.’

I felt as though I’d been poleaxed. We all did.

‘We didn’t know, Colonel,’ Billy said quietly. ‘We didn’t know he was dead.’

My mouth fell open. So, it had all been for nothing. A wave of sadness washed over me. The expression on the Colonel’s face changed from steely determination to surprise. He obviously had no idea that we hadn’t already been told.

‘Excuse me, sir.’ Billy got to his feet and walked out of the room.

Good on you Billy. You’re not going to sit here and take this.

There was another silence as the CO waited for Billy to return.

If only… If only we’d got to him faster, we might have saved him. If only we’d been quicker getting out of the fort. If only, if only, if only…

Hope had made me believe in the impossible. Now the book was closed. We had failed, and were getting a good kicking for daring not to. What a shit day.

But it wasn’t anger that had propelled Billy from the room. After a few seconds, the silence was interrupted by the sound of him throwing up outside. He came back in, white but expressionless, and dropped a tissue into the bin. We all knew how he felt. The CO gave us a few more seconds for the news to sink in. Our reaction had clearly thrown him.

‘Why didn’t you wait for the Chinook IRT plan?’

My eyes narrowed. Carl looked as dumbstruck as I was. Geordie shrugged his shoulders. Billy was staring at the CO throughout, trying to make head or tail of what he was saying.

‘The IRT plan was to take effect twenty minutes later with a Chinook.’

‘As far as we knew sir, there was no Chinook IRT plan,’ Billy said.

The Colonel fell silent again. We didn’t know about his plan. He rested his hands on his thighs as if he was about to stand up, then changed his mind and turned to Trigger.

‘We are going to need to decide how we report this.’ He paused. ‘We must ensure that we were in the decision process and knew what was happening at all times. At the moment it looks as though four NCOs have gone and done whatever they pleased, without our authority.’

So that was it. Stay calm, Macy; stay very calm.

‘Sir…’

He looked at me.

Stay calm, Macy.

‘I’m not an NCO,’ I said through gritted teeth. ‘I am a fucking Warrant Officer.’

Well done, Macy… really calm…

He glared at me.

Which was preferable: the Taliban videoing a downed Apache or a British soldier skinned alive on Al Jazeera? Who was going to be more upset, the Chancellor losing forty million quid or a family not being able to sleep at night? His mother wouldn’t even have been able to bury him.

A long time ago the red mist would have arrived good and proper at that point; the red mist that got me into fights as a kid and in the Paras. It wasn’t there now, but I was deep down fucking angry. I knew I should probably just sit on my hands, but I couldn’t help myself.

‘I haven’t said anything yet, sir.’ I leaned forward. ‘But I’d like to make three points.’

I looked him straight in the eye.

‘First, I don’t care how much a helicopter costs; it was a calculated decision.’

‘It’s not just the helicopters, Mr Macy,’ the Colonel replied. ‘It’s the four marines with you. The risk to them–’

‘We asked for volunteers, sir,’ I said. ‘We asked for volunteers, and I described the plan in detail to Colonel Magowan.’

The CO just looked at me.