Apostles of Doom

The captain replied calmly, “I am Captain Cranshall of the Oorstemothian Extra-Dimensional Enforcement Vessel Inferno.” Barabus had to respect the man’s composure. “Our vessel is here under the direction of Heron, Wing Arms Master of the Oorstemothian Fleet, Lord Protectator of Oorstemoth and the Council of Justice, Duly Recognized Agent of High Justice, and Commander of the One Thousand Four Hundred and Thirteenth Sky Fleet of Oorstemoth.” He gestured to Heron.

“I am here on a Writ of Forcible Extradition—” Heron started.

“Writ?” the angry orc demon interrupted. “Fancy words? You aren’t a bunch of lawyers, are you?”

Sir Samwell made frantic gestures to the comms officer to cut the audio.

“Audio off,” Tallswan said.

Sir Samwell looked around at the others. “Trust me — no one here is a lawyer, no one here is a diplomat! Whatever you do, whatever you say, do not admit to being either one of those things, or we will be blown out of the sky!”

“Why?” Heron asked.

“If you haven’t noticed, these are D’Orcs. Demon Orcs. You know how regular orcs feel about lawyers and diplomats, yes?” Heron frowned, indicating that he clearly did. “These guys hate them even more.”

“What’s going on? Why are you silent? Speak up or be shot down!” The D’Orc demanded.

The captain gestured at Tallswan to turn the audio back on.

“My apologies; we had a small issue with our sound on this side. I assure you that we are not lawyers.”

The D’Orc raised one eyebrow, as if he didn’t believe the captain. “What are you doing here?”

Heron spoke up. “We have come seeking a knight of Tiernon who was defeated and taken hostage by a demon in Astlan. We also seek that demon.” He gestured to Barabus. “This is Arch-Vicar General Barabus of the Rod of Tiernon in Astlan. He only seeks to get his knight back.”

The D’Orc’s eyes shifted back and forth among the people on deck, apparently trying to decide if he believed any of them. His eyes finally settled on Sir Samwell and narrowed, as if he recognized him. “So then what is he doing there?” the D’Orc asked, staring at Sir Samwell, who coughed uncomfortably.

“I am Sir Samwell, First Knight of High Justice and Sworn Champion of the Keeper of Law, Ponchas the Third,” Sir Samwell introduced himself. “I have been trapped here in the Abyss for the last fourteen hundred years or so, and they have come to rescue me, as well as Sir Talarius.”

“Uh-huh,” The D’Orc said rather suspiciously.

“Yes, my lord… Arg-nargoloth, is it? I do believe you oversaw my torture at one point a few centuries ago when I was in your custody,” Sir Samwell said.

Barabus blinked. That was curious. Although the man did say he had been tortured here, and the fact that this — D’Orc — Arg-nargoloth recognized him did add to his seeming veracity.

“Yeah, that must be it,” The D’Orc said derisively before turning his attention back to Captain Cranshall and Heron. “Those you seek are not here. Go away!”

“May I inquire if you have seen them or if they have been there?” Captain Cranshall asked.

“Very well,” the D’Orc replied before going silent.

Captain Cranshall looked around at the others, at a bit of a loss.

“Have you seen them? Have they been there?” Captain Cranshall finally prompted.

The D’Orc shook his head. “No. Nobody here but us D’Orcs! No knights, no kidnapping demon. Now go away, you are not welcome.”

“We would just like to spend a little bit of time here. We want to look around to see if those we seek are nearby. You have our word that we will not bother you,” Captain Cranshall said.

“No. Go ‘way,” the D’Orc said.

Captain Cranshall turned towards Heron and Barabus, looking fairly confident. Heron nodded at him. Heron also seemed confident. Obviously, they had experience with orcs and knew how to handle the creatures.

Cranshall turned back to the viewing screen. “We promise not to bother you. We will just stay where we are for a short while. We will not come any closer,” the captain told Arg-nargoloth.

The D’Orc seemed to calm down a bit, although, if anything, he seemed even more determined. “You are within the territory of Mount Doom; you have come uninvited and are not welcome. You will turn your vessel around immediately, or whatever it is you do with your silly flying submarine, and leave at once.”

Barabus was surprised. He was not sure he had ever heard an orc speak in such a manner before; normally they just grunted and yelled. He also had no idea what a submarine was. Clearly it was something that belonged below water, so how that had anything at all to do with the Inferno was a mystery. But he really did not claim to be an expert on orcs.

Captain Cranshall turned once more to Heron, who indicated that they should ignore the order. The captain turned back to the mirror. “I regret to say that we are unable to comply with your request until after we have finished our investigation,” he said politely.