Apostles of Doom

They were all in full armor, with weapons drawn. Steedless, of course. Sir Samwell had no mount; neither Peace Bringer nor War Bringer were on board the Inferno, and Gaius and Gadius had indicated they were having trouble summoning them. Sir Lady Serah had left Aeros, her hippogriff, on board. The hippogriff’s magical barding would have protected him from the hostile climate, but Serah had thought it best that if some were on foot, all should be.

Sam, of course, knew very well why the two knights did not want to summon their steeds. Given that they were each other’s steeds, it would have been rather awkward. Naturally, he felt some petty amusement at the thought of the two oh-so-holier-than-thou knights taking turns mounting each other. Of course, Sam reflected, given what he knew of the sex life of unicorns, the fact was that they actually did take turns mounting each other in that other way, so the joke did lose some of its juvenile appeal.

Unicorn reproduction was one of the slightly odder things that he had observed within the realm of both humanoid and equinoid species. Within their own species, unicorns formed almost exclusively same-sex bonds; however, such bonds were, obviously, not particularly useful for reproduction. Thus, unicorn marital bonds were quite open in terms of sexual partners that were either humanoid or equinoid, provided said carnal relations were with partners of the opposite sex. The whole virginity thing was, Sam believed, more myth than reality.

The result of this was that all unicorn children were produced by mating with either an equinoid or a humanoid. It was a distinctly odd multi-species arrangement. If he had ever felt the motivation, which — at least in the few million years that unicorns had existed — he had not, he would have explored the oddity. It was only now that he was in close proximity that he felt even a remote kindling of interest.

Of course, said interest was primarily aroused by the thought of the awkwardness that would ensue should he choose to have a conversation with them in front of their too-religious peers. Quite frankly, he had no real idea what Tiernon’s policies were on such things; however, he assumed that being a stereotypical, overly righteous and punctilious god, he would have issues with it. They all did. Sam detested the overly righteous punctilious hypocrites.

No one had said anything after his quick denunciation of the effort. That was annoying, he’d been hoping for a snappy rejoinder. Actually, he thought the plan was a wonderful idea, from the perspective of his own curiosity; however, from the point of view of actually locating Talarius, it was a plan obviously doomed to fail. Talarius was in Mount Doom with Tom. Whatever they were detecting here, it was not Talarius.

However, it was curious. This place was not on any of his maps. His minions were continuously scouring the Abyss for any changes or new developments. They would have reported this. Further, he had been through this region himself within the last year or two. This fortress and the odd lot of demons were definitely not here when he last passed through, en route to a climbing expedition with Moloch.

The question was, which Denubian Demon^TM had set up shop here? And what Denubian Demon^TM would also have non-Denubian demon servants? It was indeed quite the curiosity. Delightfully so. Such puzzles were what he lived for. Well, that and out outwitting his Adversary. Sam chuckled to himself.

Gaius held his hand to the side of his helmet as if listening to something. After a few moments he nodded, presumably to himself, and lowered his hand. “I have just received word from the Inferno. They are in position and ready to start the distraction.”

“This should be amusing,” Sir Samwell said quietly. He wanted to be almost heard, not officially heard. The “plan,” which had been hatched over half a day or more of Oorstemothian pontification and Knight Rampant ethical vexation, and involved “sneaking in” to an enemy fortification, was ridiculously simple. The Inferno would approach one side of the fortress and reveal itself in a threatening manner, attracting the attention of those in the fortress. Meanwhile, the four knights would sneak in and rescue Talarius.

Sam had to shake his head. If he had not been there the entire time, there would be no way he would have believed it could have taken them that much time to come up with such an obvious plan. Seriously! Did neither Oorstemoth or Tiernon have even a single half-assed script writer between them? Incredible negotiator that he was, Sam seriously doubted that he could pitch that plot on public access cable, let alone basic! Forget broadcast, and premium cable was not even on the table.