Bangkok Noir

He noticed the senior policeman’s hand reach for his pistol. Thongfa was leaning in the doorway. Not point blank range, but he had fifteen rounds, and even if he was an awful shot, one of them could surely splatter Samart over most of the back wall.

“More than lots, witchdoctor Wrong. And, you know? Most of them did nothing to deserve their fate. They didn’t make a fool of me. They didn’t break my face in front of my superiors in Bangkok. But I still shot ’em. You want to guess what I’d do to a little fat man with beer breath if he didn’t rediscover his supernatural bent in the next twenty-four hours? Go on, Teacher. Guess.”

Samart had a good imagination. He didn’t need a brochure. So he slept. Six bottles of Archa to the worse, he dived back into his nightmare and let supernature take its course.

“Are you sure it’s a good idea to have the press here?” Samart asked, turning to Captain Pairot. The policeman stepped back before the beer fumes could overpower him. Samart was already on his third bottle.

“I thought you’d appreciate the publicity.”

“Well, that’s just it, isn’t it? I won’t be getting any. Your colonel’s going to take the credit, as usual. Look at him strut.”

Samart and Pairot were on the second floor balcony of the police station. It overlooked the car park where Thongfa posed before a large flock of reporters and cameramen. A chain of drowsy monks passed by on the opposite side of the road, ignoring the yapping of an agnostic dog trapped behind a shop-front shutter. It was 6:00 a.m., and the early sun was glinting off the gold chedi atop Suthep Mountain. It had been the last vestige of the city’s charm. Now it was just another Gomorrah of coloured advertising hoardings held together by concrete. The crowing of cocks had been replaced by the clearing of throats and the hum of breakfast television. In the car park of the Chang Pueak station, the gnarly voice of Colonel Thongfa drowned it all out. He announced that he would be leading a team to apprehend northern Thailand’s most wanted man: drug kingpin Khun So. He had reliable information from police intelligence that the villain was staying overnight at a house on the Ping River. Once the compound was secure, the Colonel would allow the press inside to view the catch. Interviews would be acceptable.

“Police intelligence? That’s me, right?” Samart slurred.

“Will you relax?” Pairot said with a smile. “You’ll be getting more than your fair share once the rewards are divvied up. You should be flattered.”

“Because I do all the work and he gets the TV interviews?”

“No, because he trusts you at last.”

“Not a great leap of faith. All the tips I’ve given you for the last two months have been spot on. I’m on a roll. I’m hot stuff. He’s not the type to gamble unless he thinks I’m a sure thing. I’ve earned it.”

Samart wasn’t exaggerating. Three murders solved. A whole litany of robberies, rapes, riots and rip-offs amicably settled. It had reached the point at police headquarters where most detectives were running their cases by Teacher Wong before wasting their time with an investigation. He saved them a lot of paperwork, yet he was selective. He didn’t claim he was able to solve every mystery, even though he could. He didn’t want to look too good. It helped his credibility to claim the spirit line was down from time to time. It made his successes all the more remarkable.

This renaissance hadn’t come cheaply, of course. Halfhead was there with the answers whenever he needed them. She was a remarkable psychic informant, but he had to pay her in kind. She insisted on a good invoking from time to time. It wasn’t the type of thing a living soul could get used to. She was a corpse, after all. There were the flakings, the gas emissions, the joint creaks, the tinkle of fingernails and toenails raining onto the metal floor during great moments of passionate invocation. But even though it all felt unnervingly real, Samart was able to remind himself it was a dream. Just a miserable dip into the subconscious. When he came around, his revulsion at the liaisons in the back seat of the Austin was more than made up for by the superstatus he’d achieved in Chiang Mai. His picture was in magazines. His voice was on the radio. His fake amulets were selling for five thousand baht apiece, and he was well aware he’d soon be independent. He could rid himself of Halfhead and her disgusting wiles. He could assume an inscrutable cloak of mystery and make a living selling black magic memorabilia and Amway products. The future was looking rosy.

But then the flock of seagulls hit the jet engine.