Best Laid Plans: A Summer Camp Swingers Novel

I chuckled at my own joke. “Now, let’s talk about your lady-friend down there.” I gave another exaggerated look, just in case her breasts didn’t understand. “I wanted to play with her too, but I didn’t really know what to do. You know? It wasn’t obvious. And with all that hair, I couldn’t see how things worked. But that wasn’t the case with you two!

“You had knobs. You jiggled. You bounced. You swayed. You stood up or spread out. And every pair was different! Your lady-friend was just a triangle. Brown or black, sometimes blonde or red, but always a boring old triangle. Where’s the fun in that?”

Mom was fighting a losing battle not to grin.

“I eventually figured it out,” I told her breasts, “but it took me a while. And I had help. Like, lots of help. But that’s another story. Let’s get back to you two. Where was I? Oh, yes! You were all different. Big, small, round, flat, perky, saggy, you name it. And nipples? Red, brown, or pink. Flat or pointy, sometimes even puffy. Small, medium, large, and everything in between. Some aren’t even round!

“But I’ll let you in on a little secret,” I said confidentially. “I don’t really care about all that. ‘What do I care about?’ you ask.” I leaned closer to whisper to them, “The only thing that matters is… can I touch ’em?”

Mom lost it and burst out laughing.

I waited for her to quiet down before I continued, still to her chest. “Your owner thinks I’m nuts, but let me tell you… I’ve been staring at you since before I can remember. And now… finally… I get to play with you!”

I buried my face in her cleavage and made a motorboat sound.

Mom laughed even harder, until she finally had to push me away and wipe her eyes. “Oh, God,” she said at last, “that was funny.”

“It’s true,” I said, as though mortally offended. Then I grinned. “Seriously. I’ve been fantasizing about your tits since I was, like, twelve. And by God, now I can touch ’em.” I made another motorboat, which sent her over the edge again.

“I had no idea,” she said at last.

“Hey, I’m a breast man, and it’s your fault.” I nuzzled her left breast and then the right. “It’s your fault too,” I said to them. “If you hadn’t been so full and round, I might not have noticed you.” I laughed. “Who am I kidding? I’d’ve noticed no matter what you looked like.”

“So it’s not my fault?”

“Oh, it’s still your fault. You could’ve kept ’em covered. But noooo, you had to be a nudist, had to put ’em out there where I could see. Seriously, you can’t imagine the number of times I jerked off thinking about your tits.” I rolled my eyes. “Dozens… no, hundreds of times.”

She laughed.

“But I’m sorry to say, ladies,” I told her chest, “that I found something I like even more.”

“Oh, really?” Mom said, still smiling.

“Blowjobs,” I said solemnly. “I blame you for that too.”

“Me? What’d I do?”

“First— Hold on.” I focused on her breasts again. I kissed, licked, sucked, and squeezed them for nearly a minute before I said, “Don’t worry, dear ta-tas, I still love you. But now I have to explain to your owner why she’s responsible for another sexual preoccupation.”

“This is gonna be good.”

I released her breasts and held up my index finger. “First, you were the first person I ever saw have sex, not in a magazine or movie or anything, but live and in person.”

“When was that?”

“Dad had to fly a trip and was leaving camp. You were behind the cabin. You gave him a blowjob.”

She shrugged and turned sheepish. “I… um… do that a lot.” She bit her lip. “I have a weakness for men in uniform.”

“I’ll try to remember that,” I said flippantly.

“But… how did you see? I’d’ve noticed if you were hanging around.”

“I wasn’t ‘hanging around.’ I was hiding in the bushes!”

“Doing what?”

“Watching you give Dad a blowjob, duh! But that’s beside the point.” I held up another finger. “Second, you introduced me to Susan, one of the world’s best fella… um… fellatrixes.”

“Fellatrices.”

I feigned indignation. “Don’t interrupt. Where was I? Oh, yes. The first time I ever had sex with her, she gave me a blowjob. She gave me lots of blowjobs after that, but the first one was pretty memorable. So there!”

I held up a third finger. “Last but not least, you gave me a couple of unforgettable blowjobs yourself. I still think about the one in the lake, when I thought you were Susan.”

“We switched in the dark.” She smiled at the memory. “That was fun.”

“Mmm hmm. So you’re clearly responsible for my love of blowjobs.”

“Can I say anything in my own defense?”

“If you think it’ll help.”

“Well, first, I didn’t know you’d be watching while I gave your dad a blowjob that time. Second, I didn’t introduce you to Susan with the intention of her giving you a blowjob. And third… why the hell is it a problem that you like blowjobs?”

“It isn’t. I just want you to know it’s your fault I am the way I am.”

“I should hope so. I worked very hard to get you to this point.”

“And you did an excellent job.”

“Thank you,” she laughed.

“You’re welcome.”