Best Laid Plans: A Summer Camp Swingers Novel

“Anyway,” he went on, “there we were, orbiting and waiting for a break in the weather. Then a voice comes over the radio, no callsign or anything.” He did his best to imitate a British accent, “‘I say, chaps, I don’t mean to sound impatient, but we’ve been in this bloody pattern a long time. If you don’t mind, we’ll just engage the autopilot and step out for a spot of tea. Back in a bit.’”

He laughed. “The controller was not amused. He figured it was this Speedbird heavy, so he threatened ’em with an incident report. Then someone did a John Wayne accent and said, ‘I dunno, pilgrim. It coulda been them Eastern guys.’”

I snorted.

“Eastern said not to drag them into it, that it was probably Delta. I said it couldn’t’ve been us, we were too busy with the flight attendants. The senior controller told everyone to pipe down, they’d land us as quick as they could when they reopened the airport.” He laughed again. “Poor guy sounded so frustrated that we cut him some slack.”

“All this in the middle of a thunderstorm?” Mom asked.

“Well, yeah. That’s what makes it so funny.”

“You’re crazy. You know that, right?”

“What can I say? I love my job.” He chuckled, but then his attitude changed. “Well, that’s not entirely true. I’m think I’m gonna get out of the ’27.”

“Why?” I asked.

“For starters, the cockpit is loud as hell. We wear earplugs and have to shout above 300 knots. It’s underpowered, a real pig during climb-out. And it’s a bitch to land smoothly. You can get a good one every once in a while, but you’re lucky if you get two in a row. You’re a liar if you get three. I could probably live with all that stuff, though. The real problem is crew scheduling.

“I’m not senior enough to hold the best lines, and they work us like dogs on the short routes. Sixteen-hour days,” he added bitterly. “Twenty-plus if we have four legs or more. And the layovers suck, ’cause it’s always some Podunk town with one airport hotel and two restaurants.”

Mom nodded. “All right, then what’re you going to do?”

“I’m thinking about going back to the L-1011. The lines are better and it’s less hassle. I’ll have to fly as a First Officer again, but I’m a lot more senior than when I hired on. I can hold a good line, and it’s a lot better than being junior in the left seat.”

“Whatever you want to do,” Mom agreed with a nod.

“Well, the Lockheed gets the European routes too.”

Her eyes lit up.

“Mmm hmm. London and Frankfurt.”

“Paris?”

“Not until next year, but yeah. And Honolulu by the end of this year.”

“We could go to Hawaii?”

“If I transfer now, sure.”

“Sounds good to me.” She grinned at him. “But… how much does your decision have to do with the flight attendants?”

“How so?”

“There are a lot more on an L-1011. What, seven or eight?”

“Ten, actually. But that’s not why I want to transfer.”

“You’re so full of it,” she teased. “And I’m sure the timing had nothing to do with going two whole days without nookie.”

“More like three,” he grumbled.

“Weren’t there any friendly flight attendants?”

“The senior one and another were Married Square types. The younger ones were cute, but one had just gotten engaged, and the other was a Bride of Christ.”

Mom chuckled. “Just because you couldn’t get anywhere doesn’t make her a nun.”

“I swear, Beth, she crossed herself, prayed before meals, the whole kit and caboodle.”

“I gotta agree with Dad on this one,” I said. “I’ve never had any luck with religious girls.”

“Christy’s religious,” Mom countered.

“And rational about it.”

“See?” Dad said. “This girl was married to her Bible. The Holy Spirit wasn’t gettin’ into her panties.”

“Aw, you poor thing,” Mom teased. “You had to take care of yourself the whole time?”

“Well, I had my wife to think about. And her kinky fantasies.”

“They’re not kinky. They’re just… different. Besides, you have the same ones!”

He flicked a questioning glance at me.

“He knows about you and Erin,” she said.

“Was he surprised?”

“Are you kidding? I told you, Paul figures things out. Besides, she wants to do it with him too.”

“Seriously?”

“God, yes. Haven’t you been paying attention?”

“I guess not. I mean, that’s always been your department, who the kids’re sleeping with.”

“You were pretty interested when Paul was dating Gina and Kendall.”

“Well, yeah. I hate to admit it, but I was a little jealous.”

“Jealous, huh?”

“Uh-huh. I’ve slept with two women at a time, but two girlfriends? Who knew about each other? That’s pretty impressive.”

“It was a lot harder than you think,” I said.

“I bet!”

“Not like that,” Mom chided.

“Yeah, I know,” Dad said after a moment. “I have trouble keeping one woman happy, much less two.”

“That’s a big fat lie. I’m very happy, thank you.” She made a show of studying her fingernails. “You let me do what I want. That makes me happy. It’s pretty simple.”

“Ha! See what I mean?”

“And speaking of what I want…,” she went on. “Have you had enough time to recover?”

“You’re insatiable, woman.”

“What can I say? I just love your big cock. But if you’re feeling too old, I’m sure Paul will, ahem, rise to the occasion.”