Читаем Big Trouble полностью

"What?" said Justin, turning back around. The retirees also turned around to administer a group glare at Snake, who was sitting next to Jenny, who had her eyes closed and was leaning her head against the window. Eddie was across the aisle, looking glum.

"I said, let's go now," said Snake. He was thinking about the punk getting away. Snake figured the punk, being basically a lowlife like Snake, would not go to the cops. He was probably just saving his own ass, which was what Snake would have done. But Snake still wanted to get out of there.

"Sir," said Justin, "we have to finish our preflight checklist, then we'll go. It's for your safety, sir."

Snake almost showed him the gun right then. He even thought of a good line: I got my safety right here, asshole. But he decided to give it another minute or two.

27:16

"Officer!" shouted Matt, darting through the airport congestion and waving his arms at Monica, whom Matt had spotted near the American Airlines domestic counter. "Officer!"

"You found them?" asked Monica, running toward him.

"We found the little guy" said Matt. "With the beard. Back this way." They were running together now.

"Just him?" asked Monica. "Alone?"

"Yeah," said Matt.

"Did he say where the others are?" asked Monica. "I didn't talk to him," said Matt. "My dad said come get you."

"Good work," said Monica.

26:02

"The airport is laid out how?" asked Greer.

"The main concourse is a big semicircle," said Baker. "Gate concourses radiate off it."

"This about the middle?" asked Greer.

"Pretty close," said Baker.

"OK, then," said Greer. "We'll stop here."

Seitz pulled over and stopped next to a NO STOPPING ANYTIME sign. They got out of the car and headed for the terminal entrance.

Greer, talking to Baker, said, "My guess is, these morons already fucked up somehow, attracted the attention of the cops here. Should be easy to find 'em. When we do, we need your help to get the suitcase, get custody of the perps, and get outta here quick and quiet as possible. OK?"

"OK," said Baker.

"But no matter what," said Greer, now talking to both Seitz and Baker, "we get the suitcase."

As they entered the terminal, they were almost knocked over by two men with walkie-talkies, running toward their left, the direction of the Delta counter. They could hear shouting corning from that direction, then a scream. "Bingo," said Greer.

25:41

Puggy could not believe it: his angel! Here! He held her hand and looked into her eyes, which were at exactly the level of his eyes. For a minute, he couldn't even hear what the other lady was saying to him.

"Please," Anna said, for the third time, "where is my daughter? Please."

"Puggy, you must help," said Niña. Pogey, you mus help.

Puggy got it now. The girl.

"They're down that way," he said, pointing back through the security checkpoint, down the flight concourse toward the Air Impact! gate. "They got on a plane."

"Oh my God!" said Anna. She grabbed Eliot's arm. "We have to get down there!"

"Right," said Eliot, looking around desperately. Where the hell was Matt? Where was the lady ... there she was!

"Over here!" he yelled, waving to Monica and Matt, who were sprinting through the crowd.

"What's he say?" said Monica, reaching the group, panting.

"He says they're on a plane," said Eliot. "Down that way."

"Show me where," said Monica, grabbing Puggy's arm and striding toward the security checkpoint. Puggy, reluctantly letting go of Niña's hand, stumbled behind Monica.

"Police emergency!" shouted Monica, as she reached the head of the checkpoint line. "Out of the way, please!" Dragging Puggy, she went through the metal detector, which beeped because of her badge. Immediately, she found her path blocked by the rotund man.

"Listen," said Monica. "This is a police emergency. I need to go down that concourse with this man, and I need you to notify the airport police right now that ... "

"I have to scan him," said the rotund man, waving a handheld scanner toward Puggy.

"Did you hear me, for God's sake?" shouted Monica. "I said we have an emergency down there. We have a hostage sit—"

"AND I SAID I HAVE TO SCAN HIM," replied the rotund man, brandishing the scanner in Monica's face. Rules were rules.

"Scan this," said Monica, yanking the scanner from his grasp and flinging it over her shoulder. She shoved past the rotund man, dragging Puggy behind her.

"Hey!" said the rotund man. "Hold it! You can't ... HEY!"

"Excuse me," said Eliot, coming through the metal detector and pushing past the rotund man, followed closely by Anna, Matt, and Niña. "We're with them."

"STOP!" shouted the rotund man, trying unsuccessfully to block this renegade group. "SECURITY!"

"SECURITY!" chorused the X-ray woman, and the stern woman at the end of the conveyor belt, and the other checkpoint workers. "SECURITY! SECURITY!"

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Феликс Кривин — давно признанный мастер сатирической миниатюры. Настолько признанный, что в современной «Антологии Сатиры и Юмора России XX века» ему отведён 18-й том (Москва, 2005). Почему не первый (или хотя бы третий!) — проблема хронологии. (Не подумайте невзначай, что помешала злосчастная пятая графа в анкете!).Наш человек пробился даже в Москве. Даже при том, что сатириков не любят повсеместно. Даже таких гуманных, как наш. Даже на расстоянии. А живёт он от Москвы далековато — в Израиле, но издавать свои книги предпочитает на исторической родине — в Ужгороде, где у него репутация сатирика № 1.На берегу Ужа (речка) он произрастал как юморист, оттачивая своё мастерство, позаимствованное у древнего Эзопа-баснописца. Отсюда по редакциям журналов и газет бывшего Советского Союза пулял свои сатиры — короткие и ещё короче, в стихах и прозе, юморные и саркастические, слегка грустные и смешные до слёз — но всегда мудрые и поучительные. Здесь к нему пришла заслуженная слава и всесоюзная популярность. И не только! Его читали на польском, словацком, хорватском, венгерском, немецком, английском, болгарском, финском, эстонском, латышском, армянском, испанском, чешском языках. А ещё на иврите, хинди, пенджаби, на тамильском и даже на экзотическом эсперанто! И это тот случай, когда славы было так много, что она, словно дрожжевое тесто, покинула пределы кабинета автора по улице Льва Толстого и заполонила собою весь Ужгород, наградив его репутацией одного из форпостов юмора.

Феликс Давидович Кривин

Поэзия / Проза / Юмор / Юмористическая проза / Современная проза