Black Chalk

Eventually Blair was unable to summon up her epic bedside patience any longer. So when she said divorce I said sure and that I understood completely. I tried to hide from her how much it would hurt me to lose her, to walk out into the wilderness alone. Blair did not deserve to feel any guilt for what my life would become without her. I was good to her throughout the break-up. I was the best I had been to her for years.

I emerged from our divorce with a small lump sum and a suitcase full of board games. And then, four years ago, I moved down here to the East Village where space is cheaper, where I hoped no one would find me. And within a year of losing Blair I was driven down into a hole by my loneliness and fear of what now awaits me, the end of the Game. Soon my apartment had become my prison. But that was fine, imprisonment is tolerable. Because punishment is all I deserve.

XXV(v) No scissors, no razors, no kitchen knives. Nothing.

What exactly did I think I would do if I had anything sharp in my home?

XVI

XXVI(i) Chad discovered something not far from enjoyment in the performance of his early-Game consequences. There was, for example, the time he had to wear a single glove like Michael Jackson for a week. The task became easier day by day and not everyone, Chad noticed, looked at him with outright disdain. He even thought he could sense approval from certain quarters, not approval of his exact choice of fashion statement but approval that at least some statement was being made. Another time he had to refer to himself in the third person for three days running. Can Chad get the chicken salad, please? Chad’s here on a year-long study abroad programme. Chad’s so sorry to hear about your mother, Dorian. And yes, Chad found some of these moments enormously humiliating. But he survived every one. And with each survival Chad learned more and more how to live with the clench of social discomfort. Gradually he was growing stronger.

Jack meanwhile performed each of his consequences with great elan. The highlight came when he had to practise break-dancing on the lawn of back quad. And although he had to appear very serious as he whirled and popped and rippled, although he had to wear large protective pads on his elbows and knees, the audience that gathered soon began to applaud his earnest but dismal performance. Jack left without a nod or bow to the crowd, he was not allowed to indicate his performance had been anything but the sincere pursuit of a hobby, and hands slapped his back heartily as he slipped away. That night in the bar, a female admirer bought him a pint.

Jolyon also continued to land dares that didn’t seem troubling to him. One time he had to give an impromptu speech in the street while standing on an upturned milk crate. The others kept the topic hidden from him until the last minute so that Jolyon would have no time to prepare. But his speech on ‘A History of the City of Oxford’ proved a great success. Tourists flocked around him. And although Jolyon had to make up nine-tenths of the facts he delivered to the growing crowd, he stated them with such conviction that no one doubted a single word. Some of the American tourists even pressed money into Jolyon’s hand at the end. He made forty or fifty pounds.

Another time, he had to crash the funeral of a stranger. And he made so great an impression on the mourners they invited him to the buffet and drinks following the burial, even though he admitted to not knowing the deceased. He stayed for several hours, returning with numerous tales and a bellyful of Scotch.

The closest Dee came to feeling any shame was when she had to audition for a spot in the Pitt tiddlywinks team. It wasn’t so much the tiddlywinks itself that embarrassed her but more the sense that she might want to spend time with the sort of people who played in the tiddlywinks team. Mathematicians, engineers, Christians. People who wore navy-blue V-necks over stiff white shirts, or sensible skirts coupled with blouses.