Black Mask (Vol. 22, No. 2 — Mary 1939)

Dearest darling wife:

Gee, Mary, it seems like I’ve been gone from you for a whole year. I can’t wait until I get back to Laguna. Youngblood wants me to take some bonds to San Francisco. He doesn’t want to send them by mail because he is afraid that something might happen to them.

I wanted to fly up, but he wants me to drive it in my car because I have to stop at a ranch near San Bernardino and pick up a mortgage from some guy.

I won’t be able to come back by way of Laguna either because this ranch is near the desert and to come by Laguna would be way out of my way. Not that I wouldn’t drive a thousand miles out of the way to see you, kitten, but I want to get to San Francisco and back to you as soon as possible.

Your loving husband,

Les.

P. S. I know this is a dreadful thing to have to do on our honeymoon, but, baby, it’s better than being on relief.

Jim Handmore,

Red Star Detective Agency,

San Francisco, Calif.

Dear Jim:

Well, here I am — the lonesome bride. I’m writing this letter just to keep my mind occupied because I feel like cutting someone’s throat. Yours would do fine.

I suppose Les wrote you about the bonds. They must be awfully important, but guess who I bumped into here at this Clam Shell Hotel right after Les left? Daisy Brittlenet. Remember her? You should! She’s that redhead you were ga-ga about last summer, but it’s a good thing you broke off with her.

Guess where she’s spending her time down here? At a nudist camp back in the hills on the desert side! Happy Valley Nature Club is the name of the place, and Daisy tried to get me to go over there for a few days while Les is away.

Daisy says it’s very refined and that the desert sun does wonders for you.

Tell Les to hurry back because there’s a good looking life guard on the beach here who is making eyes in my direction. A girl can’t hold out forever.

Love,

Mary.

WESTERN UNION

JIM HANDMORE,

RED STAR DETECTIVE AGENCY,

SAN FRANCISCO, CALIFORNIA PRISCILLA IS TOO SMART FOR HER OWN GOOD. SHE SHOWED ME A SHORT CUT TO FRISCO VIA THE DESERT. THEN SHE HAD ME STOP AT HAPPY VALLEY JUNCTION FOR LUNCH. NUDIST CAMP HERE. PRISCILLA ON THE INSIDE. I AM ON THE OUTSIDE. PLEASE ADVISE.

LESTER BARNES.

WESTERN UNION

LESTER BARNES,

HAPPY VALLEY JUNCTION, CALIFORNIA

GET HER OUT. KEEP THE MATTER QUIET. REASON WITH HER IF YOU HAVE TO BECOME A TARZAN TO DO IT.

JIM HANDMORE.