Black Mask (Vol. 22, No. 2 — Mary 1939)

WESTERN UNION

MR. JIM HANDMORE,

RED STAR DETECTIVE AGENCY, SAN FRANCISCO, CALIFORNIA

MY SISTER ADVISES THAT PRISCILLA HAS NOT BEEN DELIVERED INTO HER CUSTODY. YOUR MAN SHOULD HAVE BEEN THERE THIS MORNING. I AM HOLDING YOU RESPONSIBLE FOR MY DAUGHTER’S SAFE ARRIVAL. PLEASE ADVISE.

O. O. YOUNGBLOOD.

WESTERN UNION

MR. O. O. YOUNGBLOOD, YOUNGBLOOD BANK,

SAN DIEGO, CALIF.

PRISCILLA TRICKED MY MAN. THEY ARE AT HAPPY VALLEY NUDIST CLUB. MY MAN WILL KEEP HER THERE UNTIL YOU ARRIVE.

JIM HANDMORE.

WESTERN UNION

LESTER BARNES,

HAPPY VALLEY NUDIST CLUB, HAPPY VALLEY JUNCTION, CALIFORNIA

CRAB-FACE KNOWS ALL. WAIT FOR HIS ARRIVAL. DO NOT TELL PRISCILLA. YOU CAN LEAVE WHEN SHE IS IN HIS CUSTODY.

JIM HANDMORE.

Dear Jim:

Was I glad to see old Crab-face! He came storming into camp a couple of hours after I got your wire. I met him at the gate. He took one look at my sunburn and bellowed like a wild elephant. For a minute I thought I was Tarzan and looked around expecting to see monkeys swinging in the trees.

Crab-face looked for his daughter. “Where’s my daughter?” He bellowed twice as loud as the first time, then he shook his fist in my face and changed his bellow to a scream. “You’ll make a decent woman of her, young man. You’re going to marry her this morning!”

You see, Crab-face kinda figured the place wasn’t quite as decent as it should be. He didn’t know what a nice place it really is.

“Like hell!” I bellowed back at him. “I’m a married man now! Besides your precious Priscilla married her Barnacle Bill about a half-hour ago!”

Well, you should have seen his crab-face when I told him the bad news, but in a few minutes he thought it was good news. I guess he figured as long as his daughter had a husband that things wouldn’t be so bad.

Remember the young guy that came in with the fellow I thought was his father last night? Well, the old guy wasn’t his father at all. He was a justice of the peace that Barnacle Bill brought along to tie the knot. That’s what happened a little while ago. The young guy was Priscilla’s boy friend. She must have telephoned him to come down to the camp for the wedding.

Anyway, I’m glad it’s all over. Now I can go back to Mary and keep this secret from her the rest of my life — I hope!

My sunburn is a lot better now. The owner of the camp gave me some suntan preparation that he makes himself. It sure took the sting out and I think I’m going to have a nice tan to remember the camp by. Not that I need it. I’ll never be able to forget!

Your relieved Tarzan,

Les.