He shook with her suffering as he lifted some of her burden. She held tight to the pain, loath to release it, especially to him. But as weak as she was, he was able lo draw it anyway, and then he drew yet more.
Lifting and uncovering the layers of suffering, he felt the icy touch of death within her.
The raw fear at such an encounter was as arresting as anything he had ever confronted. Cara was saturated in that dark and icy sensation. He shook with the suffering he shared with her, with the dread they together fell. His mind twisted with the wrenching pain until it was a terrible and seemingly insurmountable struggle just to maintain his own will to go on.
Richard was swept into a coursing, cold current of hopeless misery that consumed him. It seemed more than he could bear, and yet he endured it and took on more. He wanted her to take on his strength, his living warmth. But to do that, he would first have to survive pulling that dark poison into himself while at the same time giving over to her his strength.
Time lost all meaning. The pain itself was the embodiment of forever.
"Death will come often, offering to take you — wanting to take you," he whispered against her ear. "Don't accept the offer, Cara. Stay. Don't accept death."
I want to die.
That single thought came spiraling up through the agonizing desolation. It shocked and terrified him. What if trying to hold on to life was more than she could endure? What if it was more than he could endure? What if he was asking more of her than she could abide? — more than he had had a right to ask?
"Cara," he whispered into her ear, "I need you to live. Please, I need you to live."
I can't.
"Cara, you are not alone. I'm here with you. Hold on. For me, hold on and let me help you."
Please, let me go. Let me die. I'm begging you, if you care for me, then leave me — let me die.
She began to slip away. He clutched her tighter. He pulled more of her suffering into himself. Her inner self wailed in agony as she fought him.
"Cara, please"-he gasped against the torrent of pain flooding through him "let me help you. Please don't leave me."
I don't want lo live. I have failed you. I should have saved you when Nicci came lo capture you. I know that now —you made me see it. I would die for you, but I failed in my duty, in my promises to myself. There is no reason for me to live. I am not worthy to be your protector. Please, let me go.
Richard was stunned to grasp the despair in her longing, but more than that, he was horrified by it.
He gathered that pain, too, and lifted it from her. He took it even as she tried to hold on to it, to slip away from him.
"Cara, I love you. Please don't leave me. I need you."
He fought to draw more of her agony into himself. He overpowered her resistance and took more yet. She was unable to stop him. He lifted the ashen robes of death dragging her down. Richard held her tight in his arms as he opened his heart, his need, his soul.
She wailed in heartbreak. He understood the crushing loneliness.
"I'm with you, Cara. You aren't alone."
Richard soothed her even as he struggled to endure the stunning agony of the evil that had touched her. It was not simply the pain of it, but the bleak horror of it that was killing her, and now that same cold desolation was slowly crushing him-and at the same time her blinding suffering blocked his healing power from flowing into her.
He suddenly felt as if he had swum out to save a drowning person and now they were both caught up in the same savage torrent and they were both drowning together in the black waters of death.
If he was to have a chance-if she was-he first had to lift enough of her suffering. He had to hold the weight of it for her. He pulled the pain onward, heedless of it, welcoming it, drawing it with all his might.
When he felt that full weight of misery and anguish gathered into the core of himself, he had to struggle mightily to hold on to his own life at the same time as he let flow his power, his healing strength, his healing heart. Richard had never been taught how to heal, how to direct his power, he could only let the warmth of it flow into her.
I don't want to live. I have failed you. Please, let me die.
"Why do you want to leave me? Why?
Because only in that way can I serve you, because then you can have another who will not fail you.
"Cara, that isn't true. Something is wrong. Something neither of us understands." Through the pain, Richard fought to get the words out. "Yon didn't fail me. You have to believe me. You must believe in me. That is what I need more then anything-for you to be with me and believe in me. It is you I need, not your service. Please, I need you. I need you to live. That is the service-your life makes mine better."