Ciaphas Cain: Choose Your Enemies

‘I don’t think so, sir,’ he said, taking the flippant remark entirely at face value, which after all the years I’d known him should hardly have come as a surprise. ‘I only asked the way to the kitchen, and he tried to stick a knife in my ribs.’ Which would have been very unwise. Jurgen might not have been the most prepossessing trooper in the Guard, but his reflexes were second to none; now I came to look at Evander more closely, his nose was bloody, probably from the impact of my aide’s forehead, and his right arm was hanging at the sort of awkward angle which speaks of dislocation or a fracture. ‘I would have finished him off, but I thought the inquisitor might like a word with him, then these other three turned up and it all got a bit messy.’

‘You thought right,’ I assured him. Amberley would definitely have a few questions for the homicidal butler, and I presumed Vekkman would too, if she let him get anywhere near him once he was in custody. I popped off a couple of laspistol rounds at the lurker behind the china cabinet, reducing a few of the shards inside to even smaller splinters, and provoking a flurry of panic-stricken las-bolts in return. Jurgen retaliated with a burst from his lasgun, which chewed the tottering structure to pieces, showering the luckless gunsel with razor-edged fragments as it collapsed on top of him. A shrill keening emerged from beneath the debris for a moment, before I silenced it with a well-aimed las-bolt to the partially visible head I could now see. Anyone less deserving of the Emperor’s peace182 I found it hard to imagine, but the noise was beginning to get on my nerves.

That was enough, the remaining lackey turning and running as his nerve broke – which was a huge mistake, as he was too panicked to pop off a few las-bolts in our general direction to keep our heads down as he fled.

‘Trakki shoot,’ Jurgen muttered, putting a vengeful las-bolt through the obligingly presented shoulder blades, before turning to me with a faintly troubled expression. ‘You don’t think the inquisitor would have wanted a word with that one too, do you?’

‘I doubt it,’ I assured him, to his evident relief. ‘Not while we can still bag the ringleader.’ Who was now legging it with all possible speed, if the scuffling sounds from the end of the corridor were any indication. Vaulting over the obstructing settle,183 I dashed in pursuit, my aide at my heels.

We caught up with Evander surprisingly fast, even though he knew the corridors intimately and Jurgen and I had only the sketchiest idea of where we were going. For one thing, my instinctive knack for staying orientated in a three-dimensional labyrinth seemed just as reliable when the floors were infested with carpet instead of rubble, and the walls with panelling and portraits instead of rust and the nests of things you didn’t want to poke – and for another he was making as much noise as a drunken ork.

‘Help! Help!’ he bleated, as Jurgen and I pelted after him round a right-angled bend, only to find ourselves facing a detachment of household guards, their hellguns levelled. ‘They’ve gone mad! They’re killing everyone!’

Reflexes honed in more firefights than I care to recall cut in, and Jurgen and I leapt for our lives, taking refuge behind the walls of the corridor we’d just left an instant before a volley of high-powered las-bolts cratered the panelling opposite the passage mouth and shredded a rather nice tapestry depicting the martyrdom of the Emperor at the hands of Horus.

My aide began to unsling the melta, and I forestalled him with a gesture. ‘Bad idea,’ I said. Fulcher might be understanding about the damage to his home if it was inflicted in self-defence, and we had a real live ­heretic to corroborate that under interrogation, but unleashing a melta on his retainers (and barbequing our alibi into the bargain) would probably hack him off considerably. Not to mention the mess it would make.

Jurgen nodded, let the support weapon go, and started rummaging through his collection of pouches. ‘I’ve got a few frag grenades?’ he suggested hopefully, holding one up for my inspection.

‘Not yet,’ I said. I adjusted my cap to its severest angle, stowed my weapons, and strode as confidently as I could counterfeit around the corner of the corridor. Fortunately, as I’d hoped, the household troops were sufficiently disciplined to hold their fire until they’d assessed the threat I presented, instead of blazing away at the first sign of movement.184 I raised my voice. ‘Hold your fire!’

‘Shoot him! Shoot him!’ Evander yammered, but as I’d expected no one was taking orders from a civilian.

‘Call Commander Defroy,’ I said. ‘He’ll vouch for me. And if he won’t, Inquisitor Vail will.’

‘The commander’s on his way,’ the squad leader said, the barrel of her weapon not wavering by so much as a millimetre, before the second part of my statement percolated through her synapses. ‘Did you just say inquisitor?’