Come to Me Quietly

Another stab of guilt. I’d always been vulnerable. I’d just never been honest enough to allow her to see it. “I guess I’ve been holding out for the right guy, Megan. We all find them at different times and in different ways.”

Only I found mine when I was fourteen. A flutter swam through my being, Jared’s youthful smile forever etched in my mind. Really, I’d known him my entire life. I found him in almost every memory I had.

Confusion creased Megan’s brow. “How will we ever know when it’s right?”

Pursing my lips, I took a chance at what I knew as my own truth. “I think we’ll just know.”

She groaned and dropped her forehead to the table. “But this feels so right… and so completely wrong.”

Quiet laughter spilled from my mouth. “You have it bad, Megan.”

She grinned up at me from her resting place on the table. “Pathetic, aren’t I?”

“Nah.” I shook my head. “It isn’t worth it if it doesn’t hurt a little.”

She rose, nodding as if those were the most important words I’d ever said.

Or perhaps the most foolish.

“So, what about you? Have you been hanging out with Gabe?”

Pausing, I searched for what to say before I finally answered. “No. I’ve been busy at work and at home.”

Speculation lifted her brow, and I knew the questions were coming. “Busy at home, huh? Does this have anything to do with this mysterious visitor who showed up a couple of weeks ago? One I’ve never even heard of before? Hmm?” She drew this out in a suggestive prod. She struggled for a look of offense. I thought she might be too innocently beautiful for it ever to work.

“He’s just an old friend, Megan,” I said with the least amount of defensiveness I could inject in it. No need to raise more suspicion than I already had.

“And not important enough that you ever thought to mention him to me?”

No. It was completely the opposite. He’d been so important it seemed impossible to utter his name.

“It’s not that, Megan,” I admitted. “We were all really good friends when we were younger… We grew up together. Even though Christopher was his best friend, he was my best friend. You know?”

I searched her face, wondering if she could understand. Her expression told me maybe she did. Sadness clouded my tone. “In one day, he lost it all, Megan.”

“What happened?”

“There was this accident… ” I shook my head. “He could never see past what happened and he started making some really bad choices. We all watched him fall apart and we couldn’t do anything about it. He ended up getting arrested and sent away.” I lifted one shoulder in resignation. “That was the last time I saw him.”

“So he’s the one,” she mused.

“What are you talking about?”

“Just because you keep secrets, Aly, doesn’t mean I don’t know you have them.”

I couldn’t say anything. My throat was suddenly dry.

“You care about him a lot, yeah?”

“Yeah,” I admitted. “I have no idea how long he’s staying, so I’ve been spending as much time with him as I can.” I didn’t mention that I would be devastated when he left.

Since we’d watched that movie in an attempt to drown out another of Christopher’s conquests, Jared had snuck into my room every night. Two weeks had passed since the night after when he’d first touched me, the hand on my face rocking something loose deep inside me. Every night he’d come to me, his knuckles lightly rapping against my door before he would silently enter into the dimness of my room. He always came when it was late, an hour or two after I’d told him and Christopher I was going to bed. I’d say good night, then lie awake in my room listening as the apartment slowly fell into silence. It was as if I could anticipate him in the moment before he knocked on my door from, a subtle tension filling the space as I waited. Why he felt the need to sneak into my room, I didn’t really know. But it was like he got it, too. The time we spent together felt like something that was our own, a secret shared between friends as the trust between us grew. I’d come to expect him just as much as he seemed to expect me, and a slow trust had begun to build between us.

We’d talk for hours about nothing and everything. I’d glide along the banks of his sadness, dipping my toes to test the water but without ever diving into the torrent where I knew Jared continued to drown. My mouth was continually dry, begging to be opened, to ask the questions I so desperately wanted to know.

But I was scared, didn’t want to douse this weak flame that had been lit. If I pushed him beyond the place he seemed comfortable taking me to, I was sure he’d stamp the fire out just as quickly as he’d struck it.

The worst of it was how badly I ached, and each night it only grew. I wanted him, more than anything I’d ever wanted in my life. It didn’t help that he was constantly brushing his fingers along my face, weaving them through my hair as he wound my confusion higher.

But it never went past that.

Megan tilted her head as she dug a little, a whisper of a grin threatening at her mouth. “Is he hot?”