“I had a drink with someone I used to be close to. We cleared the air. I am not going to see her again.”
“You sought her out?”
“Not at first. I tried to see Flynn. But I found myself at the salon.”
“And you expect me to believe you’re not going to see her again?” I cannot contain my fury as I hiss at him. “What about the next time I step across some imaginary line? This is the same argument we have over and over again. Like we’re on some Ixion’s wheel. If I fuck up again, are you going to run back to her?”
“I am not going to see her again,” he says with a chilling finality. “She finally understands how I feel.”
I blink at him. “What does that mean?”
He straightens and runs a hand through his hair, exasperated and angry and mute. I try a different tack.
“Why can you talk to her and not to me?”
“I was mad at you. Like I am now.”
“You don’t say!” I snap. “Well
got knocked up deliberately, when I didn’t. Mad at you for betraying me.” I manage to suppress a sob. His mouth drops open in shock, and he closes his eyes briefly as if I’d slapped him. I swallow.
“I should have kept better track of my shots. But I didn’t do it on purpose.
This pregnancy is a shock to me, too.” I mutter, trying for a modicum of civility.
“It could be that the shot failed.”
He glares at me, silent.
“You really fucked up yesterday,” I whisper, my anger boiling over. “I’ve had a lot to deal with over the last few weeks.”
“You really fucked up three or four weeks ago. Or whenever you forgot your shot.”
“Well, God forbid I should be perfect like you!”
“This is quite a performance, Mrs. Grey,” he whispers.
“Well, I’m glad that even knocked up I’m entertaining.” He stares at me blankly. “I need a shower,” he murmurs.
“And I’ve provided enough of a floor show.”
“It’s a mighty fine floor show,” he whispers. He steps forward, and I step back again.
“Don’t.”
“I hate that you won’t let me touch you.”
“Ironic, huh?”
His eyes narrow once more. “We haven’t resolved much, have we?”
“I’d say not. Except that I’m moving out of this bedroom.” His eyes flare and widen briefly. “She doesn’t mean anything to me.”
“Except when you need her.”
“I don’t need her. I need you.”
“You didn’t yesterday. That woman is a hard limit for me, Christian.”
“She’s out of my life.”
“I wish I could believe you.”
“For fuck’s sake, Ana.”
“Please let me get dressed.”
He sighs and runs a hand through his hair once more. “I’ll see you this evening,” he says, his voice bleak and devoid of feeling. And for a brief moment I want to take him in my arms and soothe him . . . but I resist because I’m just too 418/551
mad. He turns and heads for the bathroom. I stand frozen until I hear the door close.
I stagger to the bed and flop down on to it. My inner goddess and my subconscious are both giving me a standing ovation. I did not resort to tears, shouting, or murder, nor did I succumb to his sexpertise. I deserve a Congressional Medal of Honor, but I feel so low. Shit. We resolved nothing. We’re on the edge of a pre-cipice. Is our marriage is at stake here? Why can’t he see what a complete and utter ass he’s been running to that woman? And what does he mean when he says he’ll never see her again? How on earth am I supposed to believe that? I glance at the radio alarm—eight thirty.
“Round Two was a stalemate, Little Blip,” I whisper, patting my belly.
“Daddy may be a lost cause, but I hope not. Why, oh why, did you come so early, Little Blip? Things were just getting good.” My lip trembles, but I take a deep cleansing breath and bring my rolling emotions under control.
“Come on. Let’s go kick ass at work.”
I don’t say good-bye to Christian. He’s still in the shower when Sawyer and I leave. As I gaze out of the darkened windows of the SUV, my composure slips and my eyes water. My mood is reflected in the gray, dreary sky, and I feel a strange sense of foreboding. We didn’t actually discuss the baby. I have had less than twenty-four hours to assimilate the news of Little Blip. Christian has had even less time. “He doesn’t even know your name.” I caress my belly and wipe tears from my face.
“Mrs. Grey.” Sawyer interrupts my reverie. “We’re here.”
“Oh. Thanks, Sawyer.”
“I’m going to make a run to the deli, ma’am. Can I get you anything?”
“No. Thank you, no. I’m not hungry.”
Hannah has my latte waiting for me. I take one sniff of it and my stomach roils.
“Um
419/551
“You okay, Ana?”
I nod and scurry into the safety of my office. My BlackBerry buzzes. It’s Kate.
“Why was Christian looking for you?” she asks with no preamble at all.
“Good morning, Kate. How are you?”