Cryptonomicon

"Even if you were working on the Crypt, though, philosophical issues would be gnawing at you--issues based on the types of people who you see getting involved, who may be our first customers."

"I cannot deny that I have philosophical issues," Randy says. Suddenly he has come up with a new hypothesis: Aviis actually root@eruditorum.org.

"Instead, you are laying cable in the Philippines. This is a job that--because of changes we just became aware of yesterday--is basically irrelevant to our corporate mission. But it's a lingering contractual obligation, and if we put anyone less important than you on it, the Dentist will be able to prove to the most half-witted jury of tofu-brained Californians that we are malingering."

"Well, thank you for making it so clear why I should be miserable," Randy says forbearingly.

"So," Avi continues, "I wanted to let you know that you aren't necessarily just making license plates here. And furthermore that the Crypt is not a morally bankrupt endeavor. Actually, you are playing a big role in the most important thing in the world."

Randy says, "You asked me earlier what is the highest and best purpose to which we could dedicate our lives. And the obvious answer is 'to prevent future Holocausts.'"

Avi laughs darkly. "I'm glad it's obvious to you,my friend. I was beginning to think I was the only one."

"What!? Get over yourself, Avi. People are commemorating the Holocaust all the time."

"Commemorating the Holocaust is not,not not not not not,the same thing as fighting to prevent future holocausts. Most of the commemorationists are just whiners. They think that if everyone feels bad about past holocausts, human nature will magically transform, and no one will want to commit genocide in the future."

"I take it you do not share this view, Avi?"

"Look at Bosnia!" Avi scoffs. "Human nature doesn't change, Randy. Education is hopeless. The most educated people in the world can turn into Aztecs or Nazis just like that." He snaps his fingers.

"So what hope is there?"

"Instead of trying to educate the potential perpetratorsof holocausts, we try to educate the potential victims. Theywill at least pay some fucking attention."

"Educate them in what way?"

Avi closes his eyes and shakes his head. "Oh, shit, Randy, I could go on for hours--I have drawn up a whole curriculum."

"Okay, we'll get into that later."

"Definitely later. For now, the key point is that the Crypt is all-important. I can take all of my ideas and put them into a single pod of information, but almost every government in the world would prevent distribution to its citizens. It is essential to build the Crypt so that the HEAP can be freely distributed throughout the world."

"HEAP?"

"Holocaust Education and Avoidance Pod."

"Oh, Jesus Christ!"

"Thisis the true meaning of what you are working on," Avi says, "and so I urge you not to lose heart. Whenever you are about to get bored stamping out those license plates in the Philippines, think of the HEAP. Think of what those Nahuatl villagers could have done to those fucking Aztecs if they'd had a holocaust prevention manual--a handbook on guerilla warfare tactics."

Randy sits and ponders for a while. "We have to go and buy some water," he finally says. "I've sweated away a few liters just sitting here."

"We can just go back to the hotel," Avi says, "I'm basically finished."

"You're finished. I haven't even started," Randy says.

"Started what?"

"Telling you why there's no chance I'm going to be bored in the Philippines."

Avi blinks. "You met a girl?"

"No!" Randy says testily, meaning Yes,of course. "Come on, let's go."

They go to a nearby 24 Jam and purchase bluish plastic bottles of water the size of cinderblocks. Then they wander around through streets crowded with unbearably savory-smelling food carts, guzzling the water.

"I got e-mail from Doug Shaftoe a few days ago," Randy says. "From his boat, via satellite phone."

"In the clear?"

"Yeah. I keep bothering him to get Ordo and encrypt his e-mail, but he won't."

"That is really unprofessional," Avi grumbles. "He needs to be more paranoid."

"He's so paranoid that he doesn't even trust Ordo." Avi's scowl eases. "Oh. That's okay then."

"His e-mail contained a stupid joke about Imelda Marcos."

"You took me on this walk to tell me a joke?"

"No, no, no," Randy says. "The joke was a prearranged signal. Doug told me that he would send me e-mail containing an Imelda joke if a certain thing happened."

"What certain thing?"

Randy takes a big swig of water, draws a deep breath, and composes himself. "More than a year ago, I had a conversation with Doug Shaftoe during that big party that the Dentist threw on board the Rui Faleiro.He wanted us to hire his company, Semper Marine Services, to do the survey work on all future cable lays. In return he offered to cut us in on any sunken treasure he found while performing the survey."