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“Oh, boy,” he said with a sigh as he placed his head on his paws. “I should have known it was a bad idea. I just figured a little pre-tinkle wouldn’t hurt anyone, you know. Seeing as there are so many people that drink their own pee and seem to like it.”

This had Dooley look up in surprise.“People drink their own pee?”

“Oh, sure. Some guy called Gandhi used to drink his own pee all the time, or so I’m told. He swore by it. And plenty of others, too, and they think it’s just the greatest thing.”

“But why?” asked Dooley. Clearly this wasn’t something he’d seen on the Discovery Channel yet.

“They claim numerous health benefits—too numerous for me to name them.”

“You mean you didn’t pay attention,” I said.

“Yeah there’s that,” he admitted. “Look, I can’t just tell Harriet that I made a mistake and in fact only peed once, and in my own bowl at that. She’ll never believe me now.”

“Then I’ll tell her.”

He gave me a skeptical look.“She’ll just think you’re trying to cover for me.”

“Brilliant, Brutus! That’s brilliant!” I said.

“What is?”

“Never mind. I know exactly what to say to make this whole thing go away.”

And with these words, I trotted off in Harriet’s wake, leaving Brutus and Dooley to stare after me in wonder.

Chapter 15

“Look, I promise you that’s how it went down,” I told Harriet. “Don’t you believe me?” I added with an incredulous little laugh.

“So you expect me to believe thatyou’re actually the one who peed in my bowl, and when you told Brutus he decided to take the rap for your mishap and fessed up instead?”

“That’s how it happened,” I said with a shrug. “Brutus immediately understood you’d be very upset, and since he didn’t want two of his best friends to be mad at each other, he told me he’d tell you he’d done it instead.”

“Oh, Max. It’s very sweet of you to try and get Brutus off the hook and all, but—”

“I’m not trying to get Brutus off the hook!” I cried. “I accidentally peed in your bowl, and when I told him he said, ‘I’ll take care of it, Max,’ and that’s the God’s honest truth!”

She studied me for a moment.“Either you’re a much better liar than I always thought you were, or this really happened.”

“Trust me, it happened,” I said, and projected my most honest face. It was important I healed this rift between the two partners, as I could sense that Harriet, who is just about the most prissy cat I know, would never tolerate this kind of abuse of her personal hygiene by her partner. From me she might—just might—accept it. Maybe.

“I don’t know,” she said finally. “I find it hard to believe you would have an ‘accident’ on your way to your litter box and decide to relieve yourself in my bowl—my bowl!”

“Look, I already explained to you how I thought it was my bowl, and I only saw it was yours after I’d already done the deed. And I promise you that as soon as I realized what had happened, I told Marge, and she threw out the contaminated water and replaced it with fresh water from the tap.”

“So you promise me I never drank from your…” She made a disgusted face. “… whatever?”

“I promise you that the stuff never touched your lips, Harriet.”

“Mh.” She thought for a moment, then said, “Pinky swear?”

“Pinkie swear,” I said with a smile, and as soon as I held up my pinkie, I felt a giant load fall from my back.

Just then, Brutus and Dooley walked in, and Brutus said,“Dooley has something he wants to confess, Harriet.”

“It was me,” said Dooley mournfully. “I peed in your bowl, not Brutus. And when I told him what I’d done he said he’d take the blame.”

Have you ever watched a volcano right before it erupts? It’s not a pretty sight. Steam rises up from its innards, and you just know it’s going to explode any moment, and you’re going to get pummeled with pieces of hot lava and rocks and that famous pyroclastic cloud that moves at 400 miles an hour and destroys everything in its wake.

Well, just such a moment had now arrived, only the volcano was Harriet, and even though the warning signs were all there, Brutus gave her a look of such inanity that he reminded me of how the inhabitants of Pompeii must have looked just before they got the boiling contents of Mount Vesuvius dumped in their unsuspecting necks.

So I decided I’d better run for cover, and as I passed Dooley, I grabbed his paw and steered him in the direction of the pet flap.

And we’d only just left Marge and Tex’s kitchen when the eruption began.

I can promise you it wasn’t pretty.

“Why did you go and do that for?” I asked as soon as we were out of earshot.

“Do what for?” asked Dooley innocently.

“Take the blame for Brutus’s mistake.”

“Well, he asked me to. He suddenly got the idea and asked me to tell Harriet what I just told her.”

“Oh, dear,” I said. I probably should have included Brutus and Dooley in my plans, and laid it all out for them in the minutest detail for the meanest intelligence to understand. But I’d wanted to catch Harriet before she disappeared, and that was my fatal mistake.