d5e426eccb138e04dab909926b2752c6

“Oh, dear, oh, dear, oh, dear,” said the young man. “This is the second accident in one day. First Grandma Muffin and now you.”

“My mom?” she asked, alarmed. “What happened to my mom?”

“Didn’t she tell you? She fell down the stairs. She’s all right,” he quickly added when Marge made to get up. “She’s one tough old bird, that one.”

“She is very tough,” Marge agreed, but still didn’t like to hear she’d taken a tumble. Even tough old birds could break their necks falling down the stairs. “How did it happen?”

“The runner came unstuck,” said Dudley. “I already screwed it back in place again, don’t worry. This thing, though,” he added, glancing at the coffee maker, “is a total loss I’m afraid.”

“Thanks, Dudley,” she said, bringing a distraught hand to her head.

“That’s all right,” said Dudley. “I mean, I know you’re not particularly fond of me and all, and I totally understand that,” he hastened to add when she opened her mouth to protest. “To discover that your husband fathered a son once upon a time—that would be a hard pill to swallow for anyone. And I wanted to tell you that if you really don’t want me to be here—or to be part of your husband’s life—I’ll be gone, Marge. Absolutely.”

She studied the young man for a moment. He seemed genuinely concerned about her, and serious when he spoke these words. So she nodded.“You can stay,” she said. “For now,” she added when a big smile appeared on his face.

“Thanks, Marge,” he said. “That’s very kind of you.”

“Now let’s hope there are no more accidents,” she said as she got up and tested her legs.

“Yeah,” said Dudley. “I’d really hate for anyone else in my new family to get hurt.”

Chapter 33

Harriet had been thinking hard. Odelia’s words, even though she’d dismissed them at first, had returned to her when suddenly Max, Dooley and Brutus had gone missing for half an hour, only to return with Clarice in tow.

For a moment there, she’d actually panicked. She wasn’t used to her boyfriend abandoning her like that—usually it was she who did the abandoning, not the other way around, and to see Brutus take off like that, without telling her what he was up to, had given her a big shock.

And so in his absence she’d started ruminating on Odelia’s words. What had she said? Something about compassion? And how humans and pets who lost control over their bladders were basically more to be pitied than censored?

And so suddenly she’d seen this entire incident in a different light: Brutus and Dooley weren’t the bad guys here—they were the victims! Victims… of their wonky bladders.

And so as they walked along the sidewalk, Clarice out in front, scanning left and right and generally taking her bodyguarding duties very seriously, and Rambo behind them, generally looking extremely bored and wishing he were anywhere but there, she suddenly said,“Brutus, I think I owe you an apology.”

“What?” said Brutus, visibly surprised.

“Yeah, I talked to Odelia about your condition, and I see now that I judged you too harshly. You, too, by the way, Dooley.”

“Oh-kay,” said Brutus cautiously, clearly wondering what the catch was.

“So now I’m thinking you two should probably get some professional help.”

“Pro-professional… help?”

“I’m sure if you talk to Vena she’ll be able to give you something for that dodgy bladder of yours. You’re too young to let this kind of problem control your life, smoochie poo. And I know that Odelia suggested placing a plastic tub in the bedroom so you won’t have this kind of… accident in the middle of the night, but just know there is a more permanent solution. One that will make your bladder behave again—just like it used to.” And she proceeded to give her boyfriend a big smile of support.

“But… my bladder is just fine,” said Brutus.

“My bladder is fine, too,” said Dooley.

“I don’t need to go to the doctor.”

“Me, neither,” said Dooley.

“Now Brutus, I know you like to act tough and all, but there really is no shame in this. There are many, many people, and plenty of pets, who suffer the same thing you two do.”

“Suffer… what, exactly?” asked Brutus, wide-eyed now.

“Well, incontinence, of course. And I’m sure that if you just talk to Vena—”

“Incontinence!”

“What is incontinence, Max?” asked Dooley.

“It’s when you have no control over your bladder. Or your bowels.”

“But… I’m not incontinent!” Brutus cried.

“Now, now, pookie bear,” said Harriet, contriving a look of compassion. “There’s no sense denying the obvious. And no shame, you hear me? No shame whatsoever.”

“I’m not ashamed—my bladder works perfectly fine, and so does everything else!”

“Oh, munchkin,” said Harriet with a sigh. “I knew you’d react this way. Look, you don’t have to act tough for my sake. I’ll talk to Odelia and set up an appointment with Vena.”

“What?!!!”

“And I want you to know you have my full support, my precious angel. My love muffin. My cuddle bear. I’ll be right by your side throughout the whole procedure.”

“But I’m not—”

“Oh, I know, chickadee. I know.”

“But my bladder is perfectly—”

“Of course it is. Absolutely.”

“But, Harriet!”