Daddy Long Stroke

“Good, then we on the same page ’cause I don’t need a nigga for shit either. And I don’t have a clit.”

She smiles, shakin’ her head.

“Damn, underneath all that meanness, you gotta pretty smile.”

“Flattery will get you nowhere wit’ me.”

“Will it at least get me ya number?”

“For what? It’s not like you gettin’ some pussy.”

Damn, I wanna snap her muthafuckin’ back in. “Yo, ma, check this shit out. I’m standin’ here tryna rap to you ’cause you fine as fuck, but don’t get shit twisted. I ain’t pressed for no ass. I get that wit’ no effort, so don’t get it fucked up. But what I want to do is get to know you. Maybe take ya sexy ass out to dinner, then, maybe, to a show. But you on some extra stuck-up shit.”

She glances at her frosted timepiece. “It’s been real,” she says, as her girl approaches us, “but ya time’s up.”

I laugh. “Yo, it’s all good, ma. But know this. I’ma be at ya door tonight.”

She sucks her teeth. “Bitch, let’s go,” she says to her peoples. “This nigga right here is crazy.”

I laugh. “Ya’ll be easy.”

“Whatever,” Kat says, walkin’ off. Her girl smirks at me, shakin’ her head, followin’ behind. I watch as they get lost in the sea of shoppers, pullin’ out my cell. I see I have six missed calls and five voice messages. I hit Mike up and tell him I’m ready to bounce, then head toward the other end of the mall to meet up wit’ ’im. I listen to my messages as I’m walkin’.

The first one is from Lydia. “Hey, sexy man, I got everything set up with two of my girls. They’re both sexy bombshells, so you’ll be pleased. Hit me back when you can, so we can get this thing going. I’m horny. It’s going to be a night full of whips and chains and swings. I can’t wait.” I can’t front the ho had me ’til she brought up whips and chains and swings ’n shit. What the fuck kinda shit is she in to? All I asked for is three chicks to wet up this dick, and she’s addin’ extra shit. I delete the message.

The next message is from Akina. “Alex, it’s a new year, we really need to sit down and talk. Hit me up when you can.” Delete. “Bitch, after that stunt you pulled, you are officially invisible to me,” I say, goin’to the next message.

“Alley Cat, what’s good, nigga? It’s ya boy Red. I did it. I proposed to my girl. We set the date for Saturday, October thirty-first. It’s on Halloween night. Don’t laugh nigga. But my girl wants it to be a costume-style weddin’. I told her she’s buggin’, but hey, it’s what she wants. So, yeah, ya ass is gonna haveta come in costume, nigga.” He laughs. “Holla back.” What kinda shit is that? Who the fuck ever heard of a muhfucka gettin’ married on Halloween night? I think, savin’ the message.

The fourth message is from Maleeka. “Hey, Alley Cat, this is ya girl, Maleeka. Hit me back. You already know what it is. Don’t have me waitin’ too long, nigga.” Delete.