Dang Thuy Tram’s Dairies

Since this morning, except for meal-times all 3 of us have sat in a corner watching for the enemy. I never left my position for a minute but in my mind were scenes of the family together. I will return to them and will build a warm family: I will know how to enjoy every precious minute with them. When you live like this then you understand the value of life. Oh, life changed by blood and bones, by the youth of so many people… how many lives have ended in order to allow other lives to be fresh and green. My dear North, do you understand the heart of the South?

June 20, 1970. Until today no-one has returned yet. It has been almost 10 days since we were bombed the second time. Everyone left and promised they would soon be right back to take us out of this dangerous area which everyone thinks spies have revealed. From the time they left the people remaining here have counted every minute; from 6 o’clock in the morning until noon, from noon until afternoon… one day, two days, and then 9 days have passed. No one has returned yet. All the questions go around in our minds. Why? Why doesn’t anyone come back? Is there some problem? We didn’t think anyone would leave us like this.

No-one answers. We few girls question each other: we are mad, angry and then we laugh, smiling through the tears which almost run from our eyes. Today we have only enough rice for this afternoon. We cannot look at the wounded hungry soldiers. If we leave, one person alone is not safe as the way is very dangerous. If two people go leaving one here and something happens, what can she do? We do not say much. It will soon rain, but if I put up nylon then I worry that the enemy will see us. Finally two people leave: I stand there looking at Lanh and Xang wading through the river’s running water and suddenly tears want to flow…

I read this softly:

“Now the sky and the ocean are wide:
Dear Uncle, do you know the children’s heart?”

No I am not a child: I am grown up and already strong in the face of hardships, but at this minute why do I want so much a mother’s hand to care for me, or really the hand of a close friend, or just that of a person I know who is all right? Please come to me and hold my hand when I am so lonely, love me and give me strength to travel all the hard sections of the road ahead…