Dark Benediction

On Wednesday evening, Kenny sat in the hall doorway to the living room, telephone in his lap, and stared across at Sanders’ face on the television screen. Sanders held another phone, and we beard both their voices from the set. Occasionally the camera dollied in to a close shot of Sanders’ chuckle, or panned along the table to show the juvenile panel members, kids between eight and sixteen. There was an empty chair on Sanders’ right, and it bore a placard. The placard said “KENNY WESTMORE.”

It lasted maybe a minute. Sanders promised not to mention Kenny’s address, nor to mention the nature of his illness. He did neither, but the tone of conversation made it clear that Kenny was in bad shape and probably not long for this world. Kenny had stage fright, his voice trembled, and he blurted something about the search for a cure. Cleo stared at the boy instead of the set, and my own glance darted back and forth. The cameraman panned to the empty chair and dollied in slowly so that the placard came to fill the screen while Kenny spoke. Kenny talked about stamp collections and time machines and autographs, while an invisible audience gaped at pathos.

“If anybody’s got stamps to trade, just let me know,” he said. “And autographs…”

I winced, but Sanders cut in. “Well, Kenny—we’re not supposed to mention your address, but if any of you Guardsmen out there want to help Kenny out with his stamp collection, you can write to me, and I’ll definitely see that he gets the letters.”

“And autographs too,” Kenny added.

When it was over, Kenny had lived… but lived.

And then the mail came in a deluge, forwarded from the network’s studio. Bushels of stamps, dozens of autograph books, Bibles, money, advice, crank letters, and maudlin gushes of sugary sympathy… and a few sensible and friendly letters. Kenny was delighted.

“Gee, Dad, I’ll never get all the stamps sorted out. And look!—an autograph of Calvin Coolidge!…”

But it never turned him aside from his path of confident but mysterious purpose. He spent even more time in his room, in the garage, and—when he could muster the energy—back in the maple woods, doing mysterious things alone.

“Have they found a cure yet, Dad?” he asked me pleasantly when an expected letter came.

“They’re… making progress,” I answered lamely.

He shrugged. “They will… eventually.” Unconcerned.

It occurred to me that some sort of psychic change, unfathomable, might have happened within him—some sudden sense of timelessness, of identity with the race. Something that would let him die calmly as long as be knew there’d be a cure someday. It seemed too much to expect of a child, but I mentioned the notion to Jules when I saw him again.

“Could be,” be admitted. “It might fit in with this secrecy business.”

“How’s that?”

“People who know they’re dying often behave that way. Little secret activities that don’t become apparent until after they’re gone. Set up causes that won’t have effects until afterwards. Immortality cravings. You want to have posthumous influence, to live after you. A suicide note is one perversion of it. The suicide figures the world will posthumously feel guilty, if he tells it off.”

“And Kenny…!”

“I don’t know, Rod. The craving for immortality is basically procreative, I think. You have children, and train them, and see your own mirrored patterns live on in them, and feel satisfied, when your time comes. Or else you sublimate it, and do the same thing for all humanity—through art, or science. I’ve seen a lot of death, Rod, and I believe there’s more than just-plain-selfishness to people’s immortality-wishes; it’s associated with the human reproductive syndrome—which includes the passing on of culture to the young. But Kenny’s just a kid. I don’t know.”

Despite Kenny’s increasing helplessness and weakness, he began spending more time wandering out in the woods. Cleo chided him for it, and tried to limit his excursions. She drove him to town on alternate days for a transfusion and shots, and she tried to keep him in the house most of the time, but he needed sun and air and exercise; and it was impossible to keep him on the lawn. Whatever he was doing, it was a shadowy secretive business. It involved spades and garden tools and packages, with late excursions into the maples toward the creek.

“You’ll know in four or five months,” he told me, in answer to a question. “Don’t ask me now. You’d laugh.”

But it became apparent that he wouldn’t last that long. The rate of transfusions doubled, and on his bad days, he was unable to get out of bed. He fainted down by the creek, and had to he carried back to the house. Cleo forbade him to go outside alone without Jules’ day-to-day approval, and Jules was beginning to be doubtful about the boy’s activities.

When restricted, Kenny became frantic. “I’ve got to go outside, Dad, please! I can’t finish it if I don’t. I’ve got to! How else can I make contact with them?”

“Contact? With whom?”