Dark Benediction

“Over the crisis, I think. Infection’s down. Nervous condition not so good. Deep depression. Sometimes she goes a little hysterical.” He paused, then lowered his voice. “You’re at the focus of it, young man. Sometimes she gets the idea that she touched you, and then sometimes she raves about how she wouldn’t do it.”

Paul whirled angrily, forming a protest, but the priest continued: “Seevers talked to her, and then a psychologist—one of our sisters. It seemed to help some. She’s asleep now. I don’t know how much of Seevers’ talk she understood, however. She’s dazed—combined effects of pain, shock, infection, guilt feelings, fright, hysteria—and some other things, Morphine doesn’t make her mind any clearer. Neither does the fact that she thinks you’re avoiding her.”

“It’s the plague I’m avoiding!” Paul snapped. “Not her.”

Mendelhaus chuckled mirthlessly. “You’re talking to me, aren’t you?” He turned and entered the chapel through a swinging door. As the door fanned back and forth, Paul caught a glimpse of a candlelit altar and a stark wooden crucifix, and a sea of monk-robes flawing over the pews, waiting for the celebrant priest to enter the sanctuary and begin the Sacrifice of the Mass. He realized vaguely that it was Sunday.

Paul wandered back to the main corridor and found himself drifting toward Willie’s room. The door was ajar, and he stopped short lest she see him. But after a moment he inched forward until he caught a glimpse of her dark mass of hair unfurled across the pillow. One of the sisters had combed it for her, and it spread in dark waves, gleaming in the candlelight. She was still asleep. The candle startled him for an instant—suggesting a deathbed and the sacrament of the dying. But a dog-eared magazine lay beneath it; someone had been reading to her.

He stood in the doorway, watching the slow rise of her breathing. Fresh, young, shapely—even in the crude cotton gown they had given her, even beneath the blue-white pallor of her skin—soon to become gray as a cloudy sky in a wintery twilight. Her lips moved slightly, and he backed a step away. They paused, parted moistly, showing thin white teeth. Her delicately carved face was thrown back slightly on the pillow. There was a sudden tightening of her jaw.

A weirdly pitched voice floated unexpectedly from down the hall, echoing the semisinging of Gregorian chant: “Asperges me, Domine, hyssopo, et mundabor…” The priest was beginning Mass.

As the sound came, the girl’s hands clenched into rigid fists beneath the sheet. Her eyes flared open to stare wildly at the ceiling. Clutching the bedclothes, she pressed the fists up against her face and cried out: “No! NOOOO! God, I won’t!”

Paul backed out of sight and pressed himself against the wall. A knot of desolation tightened in his stomach. He looked around nervously. A nun, hearing the outcry, came scurrying down the hall, murmuring anxiously to herself. A plump mother hen in a dozen yards of starched white cloth. She gave him a quick challenging glance and waddled inside.

“Child, my child, what’s wrong! Nightmares again?”

He heard Willie breathe a nervous moan of relief. Then her voice, weakly— “They… they made me… touch… Ooo, God! I want to cut off my hands!”

Paul fled, leaving the nun’s sympathetic reassurance to fade into a murmur behind him.

He spent the rest of the day and the night in his room. On the following day, Mendelhaus came with word that the boat was not yet ready. They needed to finish caulking and stock it with provisions. But the priest assured him that it should be afloat within twenty-four hours. Paul could not bring himself to ask about the girl.

A monk brought his food—unopened cans, still steaming from the sterilizer, and on a covered tray. The monk wore gloves and mask, and he had oiled his own skin. There were moments when Paul felt as if he were the diseased and contagious patient from whom the others protected themselves. Like Omar, he thought, wondering—“which is the Potter, pray, and which the Pot?”

Was Man, as Seevers implied, a terrorized ape-tribe fleeing illogically from the gray hands that only wanted to offer a blessing? How narrow was the line dividing blessing from curse, god from demon! The parasites came in a devil’s mask, the mask of disease. “Diseases have often killed me,” said Man. “All disease is therefore evil.” But was that necessarily true? Fire had often killed Man’s club-bearing ancestors, but later came to serve him. Even diseases had been used to good advantage—artificially induced typhoid and malaria to fight venereal infections.