Dead Souls

"As the proverb says, 'For a friend five miles is not a long way around!'" he said, taking off his peaked cap. "I was passing by, saw a light in the window, why don't I stop in, I thought, he can't be asleep. Ah! that's good, you've got tea on the table, I'll have a little cup with pleasure—today at dinner I overfed on all sorts of trash, I feel a turmoil starting in my stomach. Order me a pipefull! Where's your pipe?"

"But I don't smoke a pipe," Chichikov said dryly.

"Nonsense, as if I don't know you're a whiffer. Hey! what'd you say your man's name was? Hey, Vakhramey!"

"Not Vakhramey—Petrushka."

"How's that? You used to have a Vakhramey."

"I never had any Vakhramey."

"Right, exactly, it's Derebin who has a Vakhramey. Imagine Derebin's luck: his aunt quarreled with her son for marrying a serf girl, and now she's willed him her whole estate. I'm thinking to myself, it wouldn't be bad to have such an aunt for further on! But what's with you, brother, you're so withdrawn from everybody, you don't go anywhere? Of course, I know you're sometimes occupied with learned subjects, you like to read" (what made Nozdryov conclude that our hero occupied himself with learned subjects and liked to read, we must confess, we simply cannot say, and still less could Chichikov). "Ah, brother Chichikov, if only you'd seen it. . . that really would have been food for your satirical mind" (why Chichikov should have a satirical mind is also unknown). "Imagine, brother, we were playing a game of brag at the merchant Likhachev's, and how we laughed! Perependev, who was with me, 'You know,' he says, 'if it was Chichikov now, you know, he'd really . . . !' " (while never in his born days did Chichikov know any Perependev). "And confess, brother, you really did me the meanest turn that time, remember, when we were playing checkers, because I really did win . . . Yes, brother, you just diddled me out of it. But, devil knows what it is with me, I can never be angry. The other day with the magistrate . . . Ah, yes! I must tell you, the whole town's against you; they think you make forged bills, they started pestering me, but I stood up for you like a rock, I told them a heap of things, that I went to school with you and knew your father; well, needless to say, I spun them a good yarn."

"I make forged bills?" cried Chichikov, rising from his chair.

"All the same, why did you frighten them so?" Nozdryov went on. "Devil knows, they've lost their minds from fear: they've got you dressed up as a robber and a spy . . . And the prosecutor died of fright, the funeral's tomorrow. You're not going? To tell you the truth, they're afraid of the new Governor-general, in case something comes out on account of you; and my opinion about the Governor-general is that if he turns up his nose and puts on airs, he'll get decidedly nowhere with the nobility. The nobility demand cordiality, right? Of course, one can hide in one's study and not give a single ball, but what then? Nothing's gained by it. You, though, it's a risky business you're undertaking, Chichikov."

"What risky business?" Chichikov asked uneasily.

"Why, carrying off the governor's daughter. I confess, I expected it, by God, I did! The first time, as soon as I saw you together at the ball, well now, Chichikov, I thought to myself, surely there's some purpose . . . However, it's a poor choice you've made, I don't find anything good in her. But there is one, Bikusov's relative, his sister's daughter, now there's a girl! a lovely bit of chintz!"

"But what is this, what are you blathering about? How, carry off the governor's daughter, what's got into you?" Chichikov said, his eyes popping out.

"Well, enough, brother, what a secretive man! I confess, that's what I came to you for: if you like, I'm ready to help you. So be it: I'll hold the crown,[54] the carriage and change of horses are mine, only on one condition—you must lend me three thousand. Damn me, brother, if I don't need it!"

In the course of all Nozdryov's babble, Chichikov rubbed his eyes several times, wanting to be sure he was not hearing it all in a dream. The making of forged banknotes, the carrying off of the governor's daughter, the death of the prosecutor, of which he was supposedly the cause, the arrival of the Governor-general—all this produced quite a decent fright in him. "Well, if things have come to that," he thought to himself, "there's no point in lingering, I must get myself out of here."