Different Circles

“Well, it’s a good thing they weren’t a couple of crazy-ass psychos with a gun, isn’t it?” Matt asked.

“It won’t happen again,” the man promised. “Shall we eject them?”

“In a minute,” Matt said, stepping a little closer. He stopped just in front of the skinny, nerdy sound genius and his wife. “What the fuck happened to you?”

“The bruises and the wrist brace?” Nerdly asked. “I had a bit of a fisticuff with Pantera’s sound engineer and two of their roadies.”

“A fisticuff with Pantera’s roadies?” Matt asked incredulously. “Three of them? You?”

“It started off just with me,” Nerdly explained. “You see, I went to try to advise their sound team on how they might better perform their duties and make the band sound like something other than incomprehensible noise that does nothing but blast everyone’s eardrums. Jake came along with me just in case things led to violence, which, as it turned out, they did.”

“What the fuck happened?” Matt asked.

“You know how it is,” Nerdly said in a wise-to-the-ways-of-the-world voice. “The lead engineer did not appreciate my suggestions. I wanted to appeal to Dimebag Darrel or maybe Vinnie Paul—you know, his brother who plays the drums for the band—but they were not even there. Apparently, they do not attend their own sound checks.”

“Yeah, listening to how they sounded last night, I can believe that shit,” Matt said.

“Anyway,” Nerdly went on, “I persisted in explaining how they could improve their basic sound, but the lead engineer did not want to hear it. He became downright hostile. Words were exchanged. And then he said something extremely insulting to Sharon and I was obligated to defend her honor using physical violence.”

“You started the fight?” Matt asked.

“And finished it,” Sharon said, her eyes shining a little. “He put that engineer on the ground in five seconds flat. And then two of the other roadies came over to get in on it and he knocked one off the stage and dropped the other one with a very impressive back kick.”

“A back kick?” Matt nearly screamed. “You? You put down three fuckin’ roadies?”

“I have been studying Renbukai karate for nearly fifteen years now, Matt,” Nerdly told him, pronouncing it ‘ka-rot-ay’, with a distinct roll on the R. “It is a particularly good method of obtaining discipline and focus as well as aerobic exercise. I’ve never had occasion to use it outside of sparring practice in the dojo, but when Sharon’s honor required defense, it came in quite handy, although I did sprain my wrist quite badly when I punched the first roadie in the face. I did not have time to properly stretch out and limber up before engaging in combat.”

“Son of a bitch,” Matt said in wonder. Nerdly actually knew how to fight? It was like the universe did not work as he had always thought it did. “What happened to your eye? Did one of them get a shot in?”

“Not the roadies or the sound tech,” Nerdly said, “but their head of security sucker-punched me and knocked me down. Before I could get back up, Jake jumped in and knocked him out with a punch to the face. Then one of the other security men—a huge brute who looks like a football linebacker—tackled Jake and started to punch on him. I was able to dislodge him with a side-kick to his ribs, but by then, the rest of roadies were moving in on us. Things were starting to look a little worrisome for a moment, but then, before we could go any further in the scuffle, the venue’s security team arrived in force and broke it up.”

“No shit?” Matt asked, shaking his head as he pictured it. Nerdly kicking ass? Jake punching out a head of security (those people obtained that position because they knew how to kick some serious ass)? Nerdly kicking a football linebacker sized man off of Jake? Astounding!

“No shit,” Nerdly said matter-of-factly.

“It would seem that the gentlemen did not wish to be advised on their sound adjustments,” Sharon said.

“God knows they could use some advice,” said Rollie, who had listened to the story with the air of one who had been around rock bands his entire career: completely unfazed by it.

“How is Jake?” asked Matt, part of him hoping that Jake would not be able to go on, part of him feeling a strange emotion that was similar to concern.

“He claims he is within acceptable parameters,” Nerdly said. “He has a bruise on his cheek and some sore ribs. He also hurt his hand when he punched the security head, though he says he’ll be able to play for the performance tonight.”

“I see,” Matt said, unable to think of anything else.

“Anyway,” Nerdly said. “That is how I came by these injuries.

“A very interesting story,” Matt said with complete sincerity. “But why are you here, right now, telling me about it?”

“We did not come here to tell the story,” Nerdly said, “but you did ask, so I shared the tale. The reason we are actually here is to extend the same offer to you that we offered to Pantera.”

“What do you mean?” Matt asked.

“We are here to offer our services with your sound check,” Nerdly said.