Do You Dream of Terra-Two?

In spite of all this, every time his parents asked if he wanted to drop out, Jesse was surprised to find that he did not. He had never been in love, but perhaps this was close to it. He had never wanted anything more than he wanted to go to space. Dalton pushed him to his limits. Each completed chapter of a book was a new triumph of understanding – after staring at a genetics text until the words began to blur he would gain a happy, tentative understanding of Okazaki Fragments or the Shine-Dalgarno sequence, and his heart would rejoice. And etched on the school’s front gates were the words, ‘It is better to fly like a falcon for half a year than to crawl like a turtle through a lifetime.’

The hope of being one of the six students chosen for the Terra-Two mission made it into his every waking thought. He plastered his walls with diagrams of spacecraft, manoeuvres and constellations, so he could memorize them as he lay on his back. The prospect sustained him. Kept him running laps across the frosted grounds when his fingers were prickly and numb with pre-dawn cold. He could stand all of it because he knew that leaving Earth was not merely his destiny, it was his only chance to live beyond his twentieth birthday.

The first four years of work paid off. Jesse passed his exams and was selected to be an astronaut candidate in a group the students liked to call ‘The Final Fifty’. Everything was different by then. Two hundred and fifty hopefuls had been culled: friends, confidants. Jesse felt isolated. For the first time, he doubted himself. Every one of the brilliant students who remained in his cohort believed that the sky was their destiny also. They could study forty-eight hours straight in their dorm rooms and ace the impenetrable weekly exams. Everyone became more acutely aware of the competition, of the fact that years of toil could so easily amount to nothing. That more than half of them would never make it to the shuttle, would ache forever with private longing, Earthbound and wretched. Students Jesse had once considered friends became cool and suspicious, leaning over his work to smile at errors only they could see. Dalton became a lonelier place, and Jesse began to wonder how much he belonged after all. Every now and then his mind would swell to great heights of tenuous certainty (of course he would make it, hadn’t it been prophesied?) only to slip again and again into nail-biting anxiety.

When the result finally arrived, it was in the form of a letter, two weeks before graduation. The students chosen for the Beta and the backup crew would stay on and train for ten months until the launch. But everyone else would be discharged, free to seize the rest of their lives. But, what lives?

Jesse opened it alone, behind the Weightless Environment Training Facility, watching the silver July light on the surface of the water, fingers cold with dread.

His name was printed at the top: JESSE SOLLOWAY. The subject heading was ‘Off-World Colonization Programme’. The first word that grabbed his attention – the first sickening word – was Unfortunately.

LATER THAT DAY, HE saw the six who made it on the BBC news. There was the one everyone suspected: Harry Bellgrave, who stood waving for the crowd in the shadow of the school’s boat-house, smiling under a golden coronet of curls. And the weird but determined Ara Shah, who sang in the corridors and came top in most of the botany and hydroponics exams. While she radiated an air of effortless brilliance, Jesse had caught her, more than a few times, hunched over her laptop for so long in the library that she’d look up at the sunrise and blink in confusion as if she had no idea where it came from. There were people no one expected: Poppy, a hyper-polyglot who reputedly spoke twenty-three languages. She was a year older than everyone else and if she gave the wrong answer when called upon in tutorials, she would slip down in her seat, her cheeks flaming the same crimson as her hair. Eliot, the reclusive programmer, with whom Jesse had shared a dormitory for six weeks. Kenyan twins Juno and Astrid, the former studious and dour, the other prone to fits of breathy giggles in the back of assembly. When Jesse saw them all together the first time that day, and every time after, it stung. ‘Why them,’ he would hiss, ‘and not me?’ When he spotted them on the cover of TIME at a local newsagent’s, his stomach turned. He tossed the stack of magazines in the dustbin and the shop assistant demanded he pay for all of them.