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Okay, so I know that technically the house wasn’t on fire, but it might as well have been. You don’t know Kurt. Any man who is capable of throwing a well-aimed shoe in our direction is capable of much worse if given half the chance, and I had every indication to assume that his sister Kelly was of the same ilk.

“Okay, so maybe we need to give this some further thought,” I said therefore. “Organize a meeting with all those affected by this tragedy and come up with a strategy of campaign.”

“A meeting?” asked Jack.

“Yeah, a strategy meeting. Kick this thing up the chain of command.”

“Chain of command?”

“The higher-ups,” I explained. “Odelia and Chase. Our humans. So we talk to our people, and they talk to your people, and I’m sure they’ll be able to work things out.”

Jack frowned, and I couldn’t help but notice a slight diminution of his undying devotion to this concept of me being the greatest detective alive. “What do you mean? If we don’t act now, it will be too late. Youhave to act now, Max.”

“But…” I protested feebly.

“Maybe we could sneak in through the back,” Dooley suggested. “And then up the stairs. How hard can it be, right?”

I could have told him that a course of action along the lines he was suggesting was fraught with considerable danger, but obviously I couldn’t, since Jack was still eyeing me with that look of adulation that is all too familiar to movie stars or other celebrities. At least I think it is. I’m not a movie star, of course, and this was probably as close to fame and celebrity as I would ever come. Still, it was intoxicating, and I could already see myself don a cape and fly across the street and right what wrongs were being perpetrated. But then I remembered I was a mere mortal, not Super-Cat, and I said, “Look, Jack. The best course of action would be to talk to Odelia, who will talk to Kurt, who will talk to his sister, and then she will open that attic door and let out your friend and all will be well.”

“But she won’t,” Jack insisted. “Sheknows that Judy is up there and she’s been taking every precaution to make sure she will never, ever leave that house alive!” He emphasized these last words, and I could tell that he’d given the matter considerable consideration.

“What do you mean?” asked Dooley before I could.

“Judy isn’t the only one up there. She’s locked up with her cousin Bertha. You see, the both of them have been engaged in a dare. They’ve been sneaking into that house on a regular basis over the course of the past couple of weeks, absconding with any items of food they can drag out. Only the witch—”

“Kelly Mayfield,” I supplied.

“—has vowed to catch them ever since she discovered that her kitchen had become the target for Judy and her cousin’s campaign. She put traps and she locked up the food and last week she even placed a big fat piece of poisoned cheese on the kitchen counter, if you please!”

“And how would you know about all of this?” I asked with a frown. I have to say I didn’t exactly condone this kind of behavior.

Jack gave us a sheepish look.“They asked me to stand watch a couple of times.” When I gave him a look of distinct disapproval, he cried, “Judy is the woman I love with all my heart, Max! What else was I supposed to do? Say no?”

I sighed. Love’s young dream had obviously messed with this mouse’s sense of right and wrong. “Okay, all right,” I said. “So let’s recap. Judy and her cousin—”

“Bertha.”

“—have been raiding Kelly Mayfield’s pantry. Until she had enough and managed to trap them in the attic, and as far as she’s concerned, they can rot in hell.”

Jack nodded.“I know you probably don’t get this kind of question often, Max, but you’ve got to save them. If you don’t take action now, they’ll both die!”

“Oh, brother,” I murmured, scratching my scalp as I thought hard about the predicament this Judy person and her cousin Bertha now found themselves in.

“You weren’t lying when you said you’re in a pickle,” said Dooley kindly.

“Okay, let’s go,” I said curtly, when I couldn’t immediately think up a plan of campaign. In my experience, the best thing to do when you find yourself in such a situation, is to simply go ahead and wing it.

“What are we going to do, Max?” asked Dooley excitedly.

“I have absolutely no idea, Dooley,” I admitted.

“But you have a plan, right?” said Jack, equally excited now that things were finally moving.

“Nope,” I said. “Not a clue.”

“But… you have some brilliant idea, right?”

“Max always has a brilliant idea,” said Dooley. “He’s the cleverest cat I know.”

“Let’s just see if we can get into that house,” I grumbled. All this praise was started to grate on me. Which just goes to show I’m probably not made for the life of a celebrity cat. I can’t imagine that praise will ever grate on any of the Hollywood lot. On the contrary, if the continuous flow of praise and idolatry were ever to be cut off at the tap I’m sure your true celebrity wouldn’t like it one bit.