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“What’s wrong, Odelia?” I asked, hopping onto one of the high stools.

And that’s when I caught it: a terrible smell was emanating from Grace. It almost smelled as if she had reached her sell-by-date and had finally expired.

“Oh, my God!” I cried when the dreadful odor hit my nostrils. “What’s that?!”

“She pooped in her diaper,” Odelia grunted. “And I just changed her into a new one before we went for our walk, can you believe it? I swear to God, Max, this child poops more than me, and I’ve always been an excellent pooper.”

I winced.“Way too much information, Odelia,” I said.

Chase walked in at that exact moment, took one whiff of the child he had co-produced, and made a face.“You better change that diaper and quick,” he said, by way of parental advice, “or else she might develop a rash on those baby cheeks.”

“Oh, if you’re so keen on making sure she doesn’t get a rash, why don’t you change her diaper for a change,” said Odelia, stepping back and planting two hands on her hips. “Why is it always me who has to do it, huh?”

“I’ve changed her diaper just this morning!”

“No, you didn’t. You changed ityesterday morning.”

“I could have sworn that I changed it this morning.”

“No, because you’ve been too busy playing detective to take care ofyour child!” she said, stabbing his chest with a pointy finger.

And then, all of a sudden, she broke down into a flood of tears.

“Hey, hey,” said Chase. “What’s wrong, babe?”

“This!” she screamed, gesturing at those same hips. “And this!” she added, lifting her T-shirt and showing us her belly button for some reason. “It’s ruined! It’s all ruined!”

“What are you talking about? You’ve got great hips, and I love your belly!”

Suddenly she grabbed a piece of flab between thumb and forefinger and pulled at it.“Do you call thisfine! It’s flab, Chase! Flab I didn’t have. And it’s wrinkly and veiny and ugly! Just like my thighs, and my hips. Even my chest looks terrible! And you know what? It’s all your fault! Before I met you I looked great. I didn’t have this flabby, wrinkly belly and I didn’t have this pair of veiny, ugly boobs with stretch marks and droopy—”

“Okay, okay,” said Chase, holding up his hands as he gave her an amused smile.

“And now he’s laughing at me!” Odelia cried. “Laughing at my misery!”

“I’m not laughing at you, babe! Absolutely not!”

“You’re laughing at me, while you should be apologizing for what you did!”

“Of course, of course. I apologize.” He paused as he glanced at Grace and wrinkled up his nose at the terrible smell. “What am I apologizing for, exactly?”

“Everything! You put me in this state! Yes, you, Chase Kingsley! You did this!”

Somehow I felt it appropriate at that moment to excuse myself and leave the room so the couple could deal with these very personal issues in private. The last thing they needed was a nosy cat sticking his nose in. A nose that was still very much aggrieved by the terrible smell emanating from that dirty diaper.

And so when I met Dooley outside moments later, and he was eyeing me expectantly, I had to admit I still didn’t have an answer. I could have told him that the one person I personally knew who had found true love, now seemed very upset with her one true love, to such an extent that she accused him of being the bane of her existence, and the cause of everything that was wrong with the world.

It certainly dampened my mood to some extent: if Odelia and Chase couldn’t find true love, what hope was there for me and Dooley?

“Harriet and Brutus broke up,” Dooley announced. “Something about Freud and dreams and birds. Harriet rambled on for a while, but I have to say I didn’t know what she was talking about. It all sounded very complicated, though.”

“Yeah, I think Odelia and Chase are going to break up, as well,” I said, equally gloomily. “They were fighting over Odelia’s flabby wrinkly belly, and her veiny droopy boobs, though I’m not completely sure why Chase would be to blame for all of that, to be honest, but apparently he is.”

Dooley’s eyes went wide. “Odelia and Chase are breaking up?”

“It’s only a matter of time, I’m afraid. They got into it pretty bad just now.”

We both sighed and decided to head out. Maybe we could find an answer about true love out there on those mean streets of Hampton Cove? For sure there was someone out there who knew the secret to finding one’s significant other?

CHAPTER 6

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On our way into town, I suddenly got another idea, and it immediately perked me up to a great extent. “Dooley, who is the couple you admire the most?”

“Well, Odelia and Chase, though apparently they’re not a couple anymore.”

“No, but apart from them.”

He thought for a moment, then he smiled.“Of course. Marge and Tex.”

“They’ll know the secret of true love for sure,” I said, nodding. After all, Marge and Tex have been together for an eternity. At least twenty-five years or so.

And so we decided to head to the library where Marge works, and ask her about the big secret, and how we could apply it in our own lives, if possible.