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“No, but Odelia doesn’t like the saggy belly Chase gave her,” said Dooley, before I could stop him, “and Tex was flirting with Sue, and Marge is reading steamy romance, and Harriet thinks Brutus spends too much time dreaming about birds.”

“Dreaming about birds, eh?” said Buster, shaking his head. “If I were Harriet, I’d be dump his ass, too. Birds, no less. How many birds, would you say, Dooley?”

“Let’s go, Dooley,” I said.

“Ballpark figure. One bird? A dozen?”

But we’d already left the building.

CHAPTER 9

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Our next port of call was the General Store, where Kingman was frowning before himself for some reason. Kingman is a spreading piebald who likes to think that he’s the real mayor of Hampton Cove, though in actual fact he’s just a cat like us, and no human would ever take his advice—to their detriment, perhaps, for he does have a lot of wisdom and a lot of knowledge to share.

“Hey, fellas,” he said when we hove into view, fresh from our disappointing visit to the barbershop. “I think I’ve just seen a mouse. Have you seen a mouse?”

“No, we haven’t seen a mouse,” I said, taking a seat next to our friend on the sidewalk, and eyeing the large bowl of kibble with a dispirited eye. When a cat doesn’t even feel like digging into a bowl of kibble, it’s clear something is wrong.

“I could have sworn she was right there just now. She’s been pestering me all day, trying to grab my food, but I’m not gonna let her. I’m exercising extreme vigilance.” He yawned. “Though I gotta tell you, it’s tiring to be vigilant all the time. Even though I want to take a nap, I can’t, cause I just know she will scoot right past me and nab my food.”

“It’s all right, Kingman,” I said. “You can take a nap now. We’ll take keep an eye on the store for you, so to speak.”

“Gee, thanks, guys. I’m exhausted. I haven’t slept a wink all day. Not one wink.”

And so while we sat there, keeping an eye out for that cheeky mouse, Kingman slept.

“Max?” said Dooley after a while.

“Yes, Dooley?”

“I’m not sure I really want to find true love anymore.”

“No, me neither,” I said.

“It just seems like such a lot of trouble, you know, and even when you find it, you end up losing it again, and having to worry about that must be very tiring.”

“Yeah, I was thinking the same thing. First you have to find it, which isn’t easy, and then when you’ve got it, you have to keep it, which seems like it might be even harder.”

“And you can’t even dream of birds, or your one true love will leave you.”

“Yeah, there’s that,” I admitted.

“Or you can’t have dinner with a businessman, or your one true love will be upset and will want to act as your chaperone for the evening, keeping an eye on you. Why does the mayor of Hampton Cove need a chaperone anyway?”

“She doesn’t. Uncle Alec is jealous is what it is, and doesn’t trust her.”

“I don’t know, Max. It just seems like it isn’t worth the hassle, you know.”

“Do you think Odelia has an ugly belly? I don’t think her belly is ugly, and I saw it plenty of times, beforeand after the baby arrived. I think her belly looks fine.”

“It is a lot flabbier now than it used to be,” said Dooley. “But I don’t think that means it’s uglier. And her hips are wider, and her skin wrinklier, but I think it becomes her. She looks great to me.”

“I think she looks great to Chase, too,” I said. “She justthinks she looks ugly.”

We were both quiet for a moment, and just then Gran and Scarlett passed by, on their way to the store. They looked happy and excited, and when they saw us, got even more excited.

“Oh, there you are,” said Gran. “Scarlett and I had the most amazing, brilliant idea. We’re going to launch Pettr, the dating app for pets. How about that? Then you and Dooley can find love whenever you want, and so can other pets!”

“So you took over Pettr?” I said. “That’s great.”

“Took over Pettr? What do you mean?”

“Bought it, I mean.”

“Why would we want to buy Pettr?” asked Gran. Then understanding dawned. “Wait, are you saying it already exists?”

“Sure. Harriet was on it for a while, but when she discovered that the handsome cat she was chatting with was actually Rufus the dog, she gave it up. Anyone can be anyone on those dating apps. It’s very tricky.”

Gran turned to Scarlett.“It already exists!”

“What does?”

“Pettr! Someone stole our idea!”

“I think Pettr has been around for a while,” I pointed out.

“Oh, forget it,” said Gran. “It was a lousy idea anyway.”

“But if it helps us find true love?” Dooley said, a gleam of hope in his eyes.

“True love doesn’t exist, Dooley! It’s just a big scam!” Gran cried, and then entered the shop. “Stupid Pettr. Can you believe it exists already?”

“We should have checked,” said Scarlett.

“You should have checked. It was your idea.”

“My idea! Pettr wasyour idea!”

And then they were gone.

Dooley looked a little taken aback.“True love doesn’t exist?” he asked me.

I gave him an apologetic look.“I don’t know, Dooley. I’m afraid I’ve never experienced true love myself, to be honest.”