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I would have been more interested in what Odelia had to say if she hadn’t woken me up from a most wonderful nap. Dooley and I had discovered that the bed the hotel had to offer was top notch indeed and carried our most hearty approval. The box spring was soft yet firm, big yet compact, and generally one of the finest I’d ever slept on. I would have suggested to Odelia she buy one of these for our homestead if she hadn’t kept yammering on about the Moulin Rouge, the Notre Dame, something called the Tuileries and the Louvre, all places I’m sure are absolutely fascinating, but not as fascinating as this super box spring, obviously.

But then she seemed to tire of our lack of excited response and decided to chat with her mom and dad and Grace instead. An excellent choice, I must say, for it afforded us the opportunity to have a chat with Harriet and Brutus on the iPad.

“So you haven’t been up the Eiffel Tower?” asked Brutus. “I mean, what’s the point of traveling all the way to Paris if you’re not going to go up the Eiffel Tower? It’s only the most iconic tower in France.”

“It’s very high,” Dooley said, “and besides, Chase said pets are not allowed.”

“Chase is trying to get out from his obligations as a pet parent,” said Harriet. “You have to point out to him that he has certain responsibilities, and carrying you all the way up to the top of the Eiffel Tower is definitely one of them.”

“It’s not that he doesn’t want to,” I said, “but that he doesn’t have a lot of time. He’s here for his police conference, you see, and so he probably can’t cram a visit to the Eiffel Tower into his busy schedule.”

“Typical,” Harriet scoffed. “Busy, busy, busy. Always busy. Even too busy to bring me and Brutus along.”

“I think two cats is probably the limit?” I suggested. I didn’t think it was fair either, but then I could see Odelia’s point. Having to drag four pet carriers through customs is pushing the limit, and besides, they had to pay for Dooley and my passage, and adding two more cats to the bill was too much for the family kitty.

“They’ve got an actual cat burglar at the hotel,” said Dooley, sensibly changing the subject. “And we’re going to catch him—or her.”

“A cat burglar?” asked Brutus. “You mean a cat who burgles people?”

“No, a human who burgles other humans but pretends to be a cat while he does it,” was Dooley’s explanation. “Though at first I thought it was actually a burglar who steals cats, but Max has told me that burglars don’t steal cats.”

“What does he know?” Brutus scoffed. “I’ll bet itis a thief who steals cats. So you better watch out, Dooley, or else they’re going to try and grab you.”

Dooley gulped, even as I shook my head to indicate he shouldn’t listen to Brutus.

“Or they could steal Max,” said Dooley finally, once he’d gotten over his initial shock and dismay. “He’s probably more interesting for these thieves.”

“Now why would anyone want to steal Max?” asked Brutus.

“Because… He’s bigger? And… smarter?”

“Use your head, Dooley,” said Brutus. “It’s exactly because he’s so big that nobody is going to want to grab him. He’s too heavy! And as far as his brain is concerned, nobody cares about brains. A brain is not a precious commodity.”

“People care about beauty,” Harriet chimed in. “And of the two of you, you’re the pretty one, Dooley, remember that. Now of course if I had been there, which I should have been, if Odelia hadn’t been so stingy, they would have targeted me, of course, since I’m the only real beauty in our band of four. But in my absence they might go for you, Dooley, just remember that.”

Dooley gulped some more, then threw me a panicky look.“Max?” he said in a strangled voice. “You have to protect me!”

“I told you, Dooley.” Many times, in fact. “This cat burglar isn’t interested in us. All he wants are diamonds and jewels and pearls and such.”

“Oh, well,” said Brutus with a wicked grin. “In that case you’re safe, Max. Not only are you too heavy to carry, you’re definitely no gem.” And he laughed heartily at his joke.

“Nice, Brutus,” I said. “Very nice.”

“Oh, don’t look so hurt,” said my ‘friend.’ “I’m just looking out for you. You have to make yourself as unattractive as possible, in case this burglar strikes.”

“I’ll keep your advice in mind,” I said grimly as I pressed Disconnect. Of course Brutus immediately rung again and Dooley picked up.

“What happened?” said Brutus. “Crappy connection in your five-star hotel?”

“Something like that,” I allowed. And while Dooley chatted some more with the twosome, presumably receiving many more tips on how to deal with this burglar of cats, I wandered over to where Odelia had placed our bowls of food, and freely tucked in.