eb93c43e214c621f9157c05b4b6a6878

He didn’t want to point out the obvious: that the only reason he was building this second bathroom was because Vesta spent a disproportionate amount of time in the first one. But he still felt it incumbent upon him to make matters clear from the start. “Make no mistake, Vesta,” he said. “This bathroom is going to be ours—mine and Marge’s.” He tapped his chest to add emphasis to his words, in case his monster-in-law missed the point. “That bathroom?” he said, pointing in the general direction of the house, “will be your bathroom. And this one? Mine.”

“Sure, sure,” said Vesta as she fingered her pointy chin. “So just hear me out, will ya? What if you tore this thing down—it’s an eyesore and who needs a lawnmower anyway?” He was going to point out that the grass didn’t mow itself, but she went on, “And then you buy one of those ready-made saunas and install the whole thing right here.” She stepped back and pointed to the fence that separated the Poole family’s little corner of the world from the field that stretched out behind them. “If I were you I’d get rid of that fence as well. I’m thinking jacuzzi, sauna, maybe even a pool—so what do you say?”

She was standing, hands akimbo, glancing up at him with the kind of fire in her eyes he didn’t like to see. “We can’t tear down that fence,” was all he could think of to say.

“And why not? Who’s gonna notice?”

“Blake Carrington, that’s who.” Blake owned that field, and built that fence.

She made a throwaway gesture with her hand.“Blake doesn’t care if you expand your property a little. Heck, he might even like it. At least something useful will be done with the land. And if he kicks up a fuss, you simply give him a free year-round pass to use our spa and sauna complex. Trust me—he’ll love it.”

“Spa and sauna complex!” Tex cried, horrified.

“Sure.” A dreamy look had stolen over the crusty old dame’s face. “I can see it now: the Poole Spa& Pool. Got a nice ring to it, don’t you think? I’ll bet you could charge twenty bucks just for the privilege of getting access to the place, and you could even sell season tickets—or don’t they do that kind of stuff with spas?”

Tex’s hands had flown to his head, and his fingers were digging into his white hair of their own accord—and his hair was white for a reason! “Season tickets!”

“Before you know it this will be the hottest show in town, bud—mark my words.”

“No,” he said. “No way.”

“And I’ll tell you something else. My friend Scarlett’s great-nephew Kevin is something of a computer wizard. And if you ask him nicely he’ll whip you up a great little website. Free publicity. People will be flocking to our spa from all over town. Heck, from all over the county! The Poole Spa& Pool will be the place to be!”

“Absolutely out of the question. This is my bathroom. Mine and mine alone.”

“Oh, don’t be such a miser, Tex,” said Vesta, prodding him in the small of the back with a bony finger. “Live a little.” And with these words, she strode off, leaving Tex feeling as if he’d just been in a close encounter with a wrecking ball. The sensation was not unfamiliar. Vesta often had that effect on him.

The sound of someone gently scraping his throat reached his ear, and when he whirled around, he found himself face to face with Ted, his next-door neighbor.

“Building yourself a spa, huh, Tex?” said Ted. “Nice.”

“I’m not building a spa,” he said emphatically.

“Poole Spa& Pool? Gotta admit it’s got a nice ring to it.”

“There’s not going to be a Poole Spa& Pool.”

“Well, I hope that when it’s finished you’ll give your favorite neighbors a free pass. I love me a nice sauna and so does the wife.”

“There won’t be a sauna,” he said through gritted teeth.

Ted’s smile lost something of its avuncularity. “I hope you got all your papers in order. Cause if you don’t, I’d hate to be the one to tell the council one of our neighbors has gone and built himself an illegal structure in his backyard. They don’t take kindly to that kind of thing, you know. I’m talking fines, Tex. Big fines.”

Tex freely ground his teeth for a few moments.“It’s just a bathroom, Ted.”

“So you say.”

“Just a small, tiny bathroom.”

“I hear you, buddy. And if you give me and the wife a free pass to your ‘bathroom’ the council doesn’t have to be any the wiser, if you catch my drift.”

For a moment, Tex eyed his neighbor, his sense of injustice piqued to such an extent that he momentarily wondered if Alec would consider death by lawnmower an act of self-defense or not. But then wiser councils prevailed. He sighed and said,“Okay. A free pass for you and Marcie to use my new bathroom.”

Ted pumped the air with his fist.“Yesss,” he said, then added, “What about mine and Marcie’s folks?”

“Don’t push it, Ted.”

Ted immediately relented. He must have seen the fire in Tex’s eye. “No, of course. You’re absolutely right. Gotta keep it exclusive. Neighbors only.”