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“Well done, Fifi,” Rufus grunted. “About time someone said something about your human’s appalling behavior.”

“Would you call him appalling?” said Fifi, cocking her head.

“I’m not callinghim appalling. I’m calling out his appalling behavior.”

“Um… well… look,” said Kurt. ”I may have made an ill-advised remark at some point, or maybe someone misunderstood, but of course I didn’t mean it. I mean…”

“Yes, Kurt,” said Odelia. “What do you mean?”

“I, um… I don’t have anything against infants, of course. And so what if I have to sleep with earplugs every night? I guess you and Chase have it a lot worse.”

“It’s true that we haven’t been getting a lot of sleep lately,” said Odelia, yawning.

“I hope you don’t mind me saying so, Odelia, but you look terrible,” said Ted.

“Thanks, Ted,” said Odelia with a grimace. “That’s very considerate of you.”

“She does look terrible,” said Little Janine. “Which makes me wonder if she’s fit for her duties. Something to consider, Little John.”

“Absolutely. Maybe Big John should look for a replacement.”

“Oh, and now that I have you here,” said Ted, “do you by any chance know who destroyed Big Papa?”

“Big Papa? Who’s Big Papa?” asked Odelia.

“Big John, of course,” said Little John. “He’s like a father to his people.”

“My gnome,” said Ted. “When I went to pick up Rufus just now, I saw that Big Papa had lost his head.“

“It happens,” said Kurt sympathetically. “We all lose our heads from time to time. Just like I lost my head when little Grace arrived next door and started keeping me up at night.” When Odelia shot a cross look in his direction, he held up his hands in a peaceable gesture and quickly added,“Which is absolutely understandable. She is, as you so rightly point out, just a baby. And babies cry. I accept that and I’m moving on.”

“So about Big Papa,” said Ted.

“I don’t know anything about your gnome, Ted,” said Odelia. “I’m sorry.”

“I was thinking that maybe your dad… He was handling a sledgehammer earlier today, demolishing that eyesore of a garden house of his.”

“Like I said, I don’t know anything about any of that,” said Odelia.

“Some babies do cry a lot louder than others, though,” said Kurt. “Have you considered taking Grace to a doctor? Maybe there’s something wrong with her.”

The look Odelia shot him should have told him that he was treading on dangerous ground, but then Kurt has never been known for his sensitivity.

“It’s just that he’s my number-one gnome,” said Ted. “The prize of my collection. Which is why he’s called Big Papa. And now that he’s lost his head it’s just not the same. A papa without a head loses the respect of the other gnomes.”

“Just glue his head back on, Ted,” said Kurt gruffly.

“Well, I can’t glue his head back on, Kurt, since his head has been pulverized,” said Ted. “Literally turned to powder. Which means he must have suffered a heavy blow. Like from a sledgehammer,” he added, giving Odelia a meaningful look.

“Maybe something fell from the sky?” Kurt suggested.

“Something fell from the sky,” said Ted, with a voice dripping with skepticism.

“It happens. I read in the paper the other day that a frozen pizza fell on top of someone’s head. Presumably dropped from an airplane.”

“Oh, so one of the pilots decided they didn’t like their Papa John’s pepperoni order and opened a window on their jumbo jet and chucked it out, did they?”

Kurt’s face flushed. “Are you calling me a liar, Ted?”

Ted immediately backed down. Accountants aren’t big on fistfights with scrappy neighbors, even when they’re fellow members of their local Homeowners Association. “I’m just saying it’s very unlikely that pizzas fall from airplanes, Kurt. Nothing more. And besides, I didn’t find any pizza anywhere near Big Papa.”

“Look, you fellows can duke it out as much as you want,” said Odelia, “but I have to take John Boggle’s dogs to the dog park, so I bid you both adieu for now.”

“John Boggle?The John Boggle?” said Ted, staring at the two dogs.

“The Prime Minister?” asked Kurt, his eyes also riveted on the dogs.

“That’s the one.” Though I could tell that Odelia already regretted having said anything. After all, the Boggles’ stay with us was supposed to remain a secret.

“Only he’s not the PM anymore, is he?” said Ted. “He got canned last week.”

Odelia frowned.“John isn’t Prime Minister of England anymore?”

“Nope,” said Ted, looking pleased as punch that he knew something the others didn’t—especially Kurt, who was giving him a distinctly dirty look. “Got sacked by his party for unethical behavior and replaced by another fellow—don’t ask me who.”

“Huh,” said Odelia. “Is that a fact?”

Little John and Little Janine appeared taken aback by this confirmation from an unsuspected source that their unsackable human had, in fact, been sacked.

“Impossible,” said Little John.

“Must be some mistake,” said Little Janine.

“Big John would never allow himself to be fired.”

“If you’ll excuse me, I have somewhere I need to be,” said Odelia, as she started in the direction of the homestead.

“Hey, what about the dog park!” Little Janine cried.