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“It’s going to be complete pandemonium,” said Harriet. “Seven hundred people and counting. Big screens outside the church. Rock concert atmosphere. Cats don’t like rock concerts, Marge. We don’t like the prospect of being trampled underfoot.”

“I’m sorry,” I said, “but we all think it’s for the best.”

“This is silly,” said Gran. “We can very easily place you guys at the front of the church, right next to the altar. No one will trample you there. And I’m sure Father Reilly won’t mind having some company while he does his thing.”

We all shared a look, and Harriet said,“I hadn’t thought of that. Gran is right. Plenty of space out in front.”

“We’re not coming to the reception, though,” I said.

“Or the wedding dinner,” Harriet added.

“Or the party,” said Dooley.

“Yeah, we’re putting our paw down on that,” Brutus said.

“No, of course,” said Gran. “Absolutely.” She turned to her daughter. “We better go and talk to Odelia, Marge,” she suggested. “The poor thing is all worked up over nothing.”

And both women mounted the stairs, in search of the discombobulated bride.

And thus ended the family meeting-slash-intervention, leaving one marriage happily saved, and a future marriage almost rescued. Not a bad result for an evening’s work!

Chapter 25

Marge and Gran found Odelia in her room, seated on the bed and staring before her with unseeing eyes. She did not look happy.

So her mom took a seat on one side, and Gran on the other, and both started talking simultaneously to get their daughter/granddaughter out of her pre-wedding funk.

“The cats have conceded,” said Gran. “It’s only natural to feel like this,” said Marge.

Marge and her mom shared a look, then started again.

“Your sweethearts are coming to the wedding,” said Gran. “Don’t feel bad,” said Mom.

Another pause.

“Look, if we’re going to do this I think we need to lay down some ground rules,” said Gran. “Either you talk or I talk. So what’s it going to be?”

“You start,” said Mom.

“The cats have decided that they can be at the wedding after all,” said Gran. “They’ll sit in front, right next to the altar, and join Father Reilly while he gives you his blessing. That way they won’t be trampled and you can enjoy your wedding safe in the knowledge that your precious furbabies are right there with you. Now how does that sound, mh?”

“Terrible!” Odelia cried, and buried her face in her hands and started bawling.

“But honey,” said Mom, placing an arm around her. “What’s so terrible about it?”

“Mom, I don’t want to come to my own wedding. How horrible is that? I don’t want to stand there in front of eight hundred people, not able to enjoy the most beautiful day of my life!”

“Eight hundred people?” said Gran. “Surely you’re exaggerating.”

Just then, Odelia’s phone chimed ten times in quick succession.

Ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding.

She pointed at the device from hell.“Ten more people who are RSVPing, even though they weren’t even invited. That takes it up to eight hundred and ten—and counting!”

Gran frowned at her daughter.“Did you send out eight hundred invitations?”

“No, I didn’t,” said Mom. “But people keep calling and asking to join the happy occasion, and who am I to disappoint them?”

“But eight hundred people!” said Gran.

“It’s too much!” Odelia wailed. “If this keeps up there will be a thousand, or two thousand, or even three thousand, and it’s going to be complete pandemonium!”

“Honey, honey,” said Mom, “it’s not going to be pandemonium. It’s just going to be…”

“Too damn much,” said Gran.

“Look, can you take me off the list?” said Odelia. “You can go and have the wedding, but I don’t want to come. I’ll just stay in bed and Netflix. Me and Chase together.”

“Chase isn’t happy with this either?” said Gran.

“Not really. He’s just going along with it for my sake. But I can tell he thinks the whole thing’s gotten way out of hand.”

“I just thought you’d be happy celebrating with all of our friends and family present,” said Mom, looking a little flustered.

“I thought I was OK with it,” said Odelia, “but now I’m not so sure.”

Ding ding ding din ding ding ding ding ding

“Can’t you turn that thing off?” asked Gran.

“Not until after the wedding,” said Odelia.

Ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding

“I think something is wrong with it,” said Mom.

“Nothing’s wrong. Just people wondering why they weren’t invited. Or why their grandmother wasn’t invited. Or their cousins, or aunts and uncles. Or their friends. And how can I say no when they tell me to put them on the list? I don’t have the heart to say nooo-hooo-hoooooo!” She’d collapsed into sobs again.

“Give me the damn phone,” said Gran, and before Odelia could stop her, she had grabbed the gadget. “Buzz of, buzz off, buzz off, buzz off,” she murmured as she typed. Lucky for her reputation Odelia managed to snatch her phone back from her grandmother’s grasp.

“Hey! I was solving your problem for you!”