Faith of the Fallen

Alessandra's eyes turned down. The wind moaned sorrowfully through the trees. Gusts kicked up blue-gray trailers of snow and whipped them along through the campsite. The sunlight had vanished behind somber clouds. Ann wiped her nose on the edge of her icy cloak.

Alessandra laid a compassionate hand on Ann's arm. "You brought me back from the Keeper, back into the Light of the Creator. I was in Jagang's hands, and treated you terribly when they captured you, yet you never gave up on me. Who else would have cared? Without you, my soul would be lost for all time. I doubt you could fathom my gratitude for what you did, Prelate."

Despite Alessandra's apparent return to the Creator's Light, Ann had been fooled by the woman before. Years before, Alessandra had turned to the Keeper, becoming a Sister of the Dark, and Ann had never known. How could one have faith in a person after such a betrayal?

Ann looked up into Alessandra's eyes. "I hope so, Sister. I pray such is really true."

"It is, Prelate."

Ann lifted a hand toward the shrouded sun. "And perhaps when I go to the Creator's Light in the next world, that one good act will erase the thousands of lives lost because of me?"

Alessandra looked away, rubbing her arms through the layers of clothes.

She turned and put two sticks of wood on the fire.

"We should have a hot meal. That will make you feel better, Prelate. It will make us both feel better."

Ann sat on the ground watching Alessandra prepare her hearty camp soup.

Ann doubted that even the pleasant aroma of soup would arouse her appetite.

"Why do you think Nicci took Richard?" Alessandra asked as she put dried mushrooms from a pouch into the soup.

Ann looked up at Alessandra's puzzled face. "I can't imagine, except to think that she may be lying, and she is taking him to Jagang."

Alessandra broke up dried meat and dropped it into the boiling pot of soup. "Why? If she had him, and he was forced to do as she asked-why lie?

What would be the purpose?"

"She's a Sister devoted to the Keeper." Ann lifted her hands and let them flop back into her lap. "That's excuse enough to lie, isn't it? Lying is wrong. It's wicked. That's reason enough."

Alessandra shook her head in admonition. "Prelate, I was a Sister of the Dark. Remember? I know better. That isn't the way it is at all. Do you always tell the truth just because you are devoted to the Creator's Light?

No; one lies for the Keeper just as you would lie for the Creator-to His ends, if lying is necessary. Why would Nicci lie about that? She was in control of the situation and had no need to lie."

"I can't imagine." Ann had difficulty caring enough to consider the question. Her mind was in a morass of hopeless thoughts. It was her fault Richard was in the hands of the enemy, not Nicci's.

"I think she did it for herself."

Ann looked up. "What do you mean?"

"I think Nicci is still looking for something."

"Looking for something? What ever do you mean?"

With a finger, Alessandra brushed a measure of spices into the pot from a waxed paper she'd unfolded. "Ever since the first day I took her from her home and brought her to the Palace of the Prophets, Nicci continually grew more. . detached, somehow. She always did whatever she could to help people, but she was always a child who made me feel as if I was inadequate at fulfilling her needs."

"Such as?"

Alessandra shook her head. "I don't know. She always seemed to me to be looking for something. I thought she needed to find the Light of the Creator. I pushed her mercilessly, hoping it would open her eyes to His way and fill her inner need. I allowed her no room to think about anything else.

I even kept her away from her family. Her father was a selfish lover of money and her mother. . well, her mother was well intentioned, but always made me feel uncomfortable. I thought the Creator would fill that private void within Nicci." Alessandra hesitated. "And then I thought it was the Keeper she needed."

"So, you think she took Richard to fill some. . inner need? How does that make sense?"

"I don't know." Alessandra breathed out heavily in frustration. She stirred the soup as she drizzled in a pinch of salt. "Prelate, I think I failed Nicci."

"In what way?"

"I don't know. Perhaps 1 failed to involve her adequately in the needs of othersgave her too much time to think of herself. She always seemed devoted to the welfare of her fellow man, but maybe I should have rubbed her nose in other people's troubles more, to teach her the Creator's way of virtue through caring more for her fellow man rather than her own selfish wants."

"Sister, I hardly think that could be it. Once she asked me for an extravagant black dress to wear to her mother's funeral, and of course I refused such a profligacy because it was unfitting for a novice needing to learn to put others first, but other than that one time, l never knew Nicci to once ask for anything for herself. You did an admirable job with her, Alessandra."

Ann recalled that, after that, Nicci started wearing black dresses.