Familiar Spirit

Sarah nodded and managed a smile. “Don’t worry about me, Bev. I can take care of myself. I always could.” She rose. “I’ve got to run.”

She walked to the library out of habit, scarcely aware of where she was going or why. But it wasn’t Brian who occupied her mind. He faded away to insignificance compared to her sudden fear: that Jade had survived, after all, and had managed to possess Melanie.

Not my fault, she told herself, head down, walking rapidly. I did everything I could. I thought I’d won. No one could have done more.

In any case, she was overreacting, fixing on a piece of overheard gossip which could mean anything or nothing. Perhaps Melanie had simply gone home early for Christmas. What did it mean that some dim-witted sorority girls said she had “changed”? There was nothing sinister at all in the idea that Brian and Melanie had broken up. Perhaps the passion which had flared up so suddenly between them had been extinguished with equal suddenness. Perhaps Melanie had discovered she “needed” someone else, and left Brian for him.

She would call Brian, she decided, and ask him what had happened. Beverly would not approve, but Sarah didn’t believe her suspicions that Brian meant to plead with her to take him back. At most, he might want a shoulder to cry on—perhaps even advice on how to win Melanie back.

That thought made Sarah smile. How wounded he would be when she refused. How completely uncomprehending. But aren’t we friends—?

She had no intention of being hurt by him again. She would keep her distance.

In the library, Sarah was able to put it out of her mind and concentrate on her work. There were a few distracting moments, when vivid and unsettling images appeared. Valerie, her face contorted in madness, the shining knife slashing across her throat; meek little Melanie, her eyes blazing golden, possessed and transfigured. But the moments passed, the thoughts faded, and Sarah was able to lose herself in reading.

It was late when she left the library, and full dark when she finally reached her apartment.

Brian was waiting for her.

Because she had left in the morning, she had not thought to turn on the porch light. Brian was standing in the well of darkness before her door, his features obscured, but she would have recognized him anywhere, in any light or darkness, merely by the way he stood.

Despite her intentions, her heart began to race at the sight of him. She felt foolishly glad to see him.

Watch out, she told herself. Remember what Bev said. Kick him in the teeth. Don’t let him hurt you again. It’s his turn to suffer. But, oh, what if he really missed her? What if he really wanted her back? How could she refuse him what she most wanted herself? She felt herself becoming warm and soft, ready to melt at the least encouragement from him.

“Hello, Sarah,” he said.

She had always loved his voice. It was soft and warm, the light coating of a latterly acquired Texas drawl taking off the harsher edges of a Boston childhood. Early in their courtship he would call her in the evenings and woo her over the phone while she lay in bed. She loved, especially, to hear him say her name.

“Hello, Brian,” she said. It didn’t come out briskly, as she had intended. It didn’t sound challenging at all. “I heard you were hassling Bev for my address.”

“I was afraid that if I called, you might hang up on me. And I really need to talk to you, Sarah. I wouldn’t blame you if you sent me away, but I hope you’ll listen to me.”

“So you can whine about how much you miss Melanie?” She shifted her books from hand to hand and dug into her jeans for the apartment key.

“Melanie was a mistake from start to finish,” he said. “I realized finally that it wasn’t working out and I asked her to leave.”

Ridiculously, shamefully, her heart leapt. She kept her face down, hidden, in case Brian could see better in the dark than she could. She didn’t want to give anything away just yet.

“I should never have broken up with you,” he said. “I was an idiot to let you go. I think I was scared, and looking for something less demanding, simpler. I didn’t realize that what you and I had was the real thing.” He drew a deep breath. “I want to talk to you, Sarah. Really talk. Can we go inside? I still love you. I’m asking for a second chance.”

His words were balm. She had been starving for months and he was feeding her again. She remembered her plans to hurt him, but she couldn’t do it. She would hurt herself twice as badly as she would hurt him. She couldn’t send him away. She couldn’t say no to the man she wanted.

“You may as well come in,” she said.

She had to move very close to him to put the key in the door. She could feel the warmth of him, and it was all she could do to hold on, to keep herself from falling against him. Her hands shook as she turned the key. She wondered if she was affecting him in the same way, and prayed it was true. It wasn’t fair, it wasn’t right that he should move her so profoundly and remain unmoved himself.