Feet of Clay

‘Yes,’ said Angua briskly, throwing another dress on the bed. ‘And then he’ll get over it.’

‘Hrolf Thighbiter’s asked me out,’ said Cheri shyly, looking at the floor. ‘And I’m almost certain he’s male!’

‘Glad to hear it.’

Cheri stood up. ‘I’ll walk with you as far as the Watch House. I’ve got to go on duty.’

They were halfway along Elm Street before they saw Carrot, head and shoulders above the crowd.

‘Looks like he was coming to see you,’ said Cheri. ‘Er, shall I go away?’

‘Too late …’

‘Ah, good morning, Corporal Miss Littlebottom!’ said Carrot cheerfully. ‘Hello, Angua. I was just coming to see you but I had to write my letter home first, of course.’

He took off his helmet, and smoothed back his hair. ‘Er …’ he began.

‘I know what you’re going to ask,’ said Angua.

‘You do?’

‘I know you’ve been thinking about it. You knew I was wondering about going.’

‘It was obvious, was it?’

‘And the answer’s no. I wish it could be yes.’

Carrot looked astonished. ‘It never occurred to me that you’d say no,’ he said. ‘I mean, why should you?’

‘Good grief, you amaze me,’ she said. ‘You really do.’

‘I thought it’d be something you’d want to do,’ said Carrot. He sighed. ‘Oh, well … it doesn’t matter, really.’

Angua felt that a leg had been kicked away. ‘It doesn’t matter?’ she said.

‘I mean, yes, it’d have been nice, but I won’t lose any sleep over it.’

‘You won’t?’

‘Well, no. Obviously not. You’ve got other things you want to do. That’s fine. I just thought you might enjoy it. I’ll do it by myself.’

‘What? How can …?’ Angua stopped. ‘What are you talking about, Carrot?’

‘The Dwarf Bread Museum. I promised Mr Hopkinson’s sister that I’d tidy it up. You know, get it sorted out. She’s not very well off and I thought it could raise some money. Just between you and me, there’s several exhibits in there that could be better-presented, but I’m afraid Mr Hopkinson was rather set in his ways. I’m sure there’s a lot of dwarfs in the city that’d flock there if they knew about it, and of course there’s a lot of youngsters that ought to learn more about their proud heritage. A good dusting and a lick of paint would make all the difference, I’m sure, especially on the older loaves. I don’t mind giving up a few days off. I just thought it might cheer you up, but I appreciate that bread isn’t everyone’s cup of tea.’

Angua stared at him. It was the stare that Carrot so often attracted. It roamed every feature of his face, looking for the tiniest clue that he was making some kind of joke. Some long, deep joke at the expense of everyone else. Every sinew in her body knew that he must be, but there was not a clue, not a twitch to prove it.

‘Yes,’ she said weakly, still searching his face, ‘I expect it could be a little goldmine.’

‘Museums have got to be a whole lot more interesting these days. And, you know, there’s a whole guerrilla crumpet assortment he hasn’t even catalogued,’ said Carrot. ‘And some early examples of defensive bagels.’

‘Gosh,’ said Angua. ‘Hey, why don’t we paint a big sign saying something like “The Dwarf Bread Experience”?’

‘That probably wouldn’t work for dwarfs,’ said Carrot, oblivious to sarcasm. ‘A dwarf bread experience tends to be short. But I can see it’s certainly caught your imagination!’

I’ll have to go, Angua thought as they strolled on down the street. Sooner or later he’ll see that it can’t really work out. Werewolves and humans … we’ve both got too much to lose. Sooner or later I’ll have to leave him.

But, for one day at a time, let it be tomorrow.

‘Want the dresses back?’ said Cheri, behind her.

‘Maybe one or two,’ said Angua.

THE END

About the Author

Terry Pratchett is the acclaimed creator of the Discworld series, started in 1983 with The Colour of Magic, and which has now reached 38 novels. Worldwide sales of his books are now 60 million, and they have been translated into 37 languages. Terry Pratchett was knighted for services to literature in 2009.

Introducing Discworld

The Discworld Series is a continuous history of a world not totally unlike our own except that it is a flat disc carried on the backs of four elephants astride a giant turtle floating through space, and that it is peopled by, among others, wizards, dwarves, policemen, thieves, beggars, vampires and witches. Within the history of Discworld there are many individual stories, which can be read in any order, but reading them in sequence can increase your enjoyment through the accumulation of all the fine detail that contributes to the teeming imaginative complexity of this brilliantly conceived world.

Also by Terry Pratchett Have you read them all?

The Discworld^® series

1. THE COLOUR OF MAGIC

2. THE LIGHT FANTASTIC

3. EQUAL RITES

4. MORT

5. SOURCERY

6. WYRD SISTERS

7. PYRAMIDS

8. GUARDS! GUARDS!