Five Spice Street

She also said that she hadn’t always possessed this power: her sex appeal surfaced gradually after her ‘‘occult’’ activities. Before that, it had been latent, and she was no different from other women. All at once, she towered far above other women. She became singularly graceful, suffused with sexual charm. She was certain she was ‘‘much more alluring now than when she was twenty.’’ ‘‘And would never be decrepit.’’

It’s true that in her affair with Q, the light in her eyes was the determining factor. But whether this constituted sex appeal, even

Mr. Q wasn’t sure: after all, he was not accustomed to such notions. Still, when they were together, under Madam X’s spell, Mr. Q fell into a trance, and he stared tearfully at Madam X’s eyes while certain parts of Madam X’s body kept appearing in his mind. All at once, he was aroused and could think only of ‘‘hopping into bed right away’’ with X. He wished to ‘‘please her in every way’’ to ‘‘ensure simultaneous orgasms.’’ Of course, in the beginning, he just kept these thoughts to himself. Mr. Q-it seems we said this above-wasn’t nearly as straight as Madam X: he always wavered and was weak- minded. He couldn’t bear to hurt anyone. So, although he was aroused, he made every effort to cover it up. He also found reasons to explain himself. Madam X didn’t give a damn what Mr. Q thought of her: with her body, she accepted a certain kind of ‘‘response’’ from him. Although at first they didn’t ‘‘screw,’’ still, from the very beginning, she thought: As far as sex was concerned, she and Mr. Q would be ideal together. Up to now, Q was the only ‘‘sexually’’ attractive man she knew. She had dreamed of this kind of man. Although she was wanton, she knew instinctively: she wasn’t likely to meet another man like Mr. Q. She certainly wouldn’t lightly let him slip away.

What did she really think of men? What made a man attractive? She didn’t deny male sex appeal as the widow did, but rather set a high standard-inconceivably high. It was also simple and absurd. She set two criteria. We’ve already divulged them: the color of his eyes and the sound of his speaking voice. Normal people thought this was crazy. How was it related to the exuberance and actuality of ‘‘sex’’? They doubted she used her eyes and ears. But according to her, it was her body’s response that had led her to this and caused her to cast aside most of the men who’d shown interest in her. A couple were exceptional, but not in a sexual way: this was also determined by her physical response. She couldn’t help it, and she wouldn’t compromise for those men, either-even those she was very fond of. It seemed there was more than one Mr. Q. Someone even said she was a ‘‘nymphomaniac,’’ another that she was ‘‘frigid.’’ Because of this, Mr. Q was sometimes distressed, jealous, and fearful of losing her. He was always yearning to ‘‘make it’’ with her.

Though he couldn’t shake this feeling off, he didn’t dare pursue it. Finally, he ‘‘lost all interest in living.’’

At noon one day in Madam X’s gloomy little room, her colleague asked what she really meant by sex. Was it just a figment of her ‘‘imagination’’? Was it unrelated to the reality of ‘‘going to bed’’? If it was something she had concocted to fool people, then (at this point, she began whispering in Madam X’s ear) she needn’t keep it a secret from her loyal friend of many years: she was more trustworthy than a locked safe. Madam X was taken in and opened the door to her heart.

She confirmed that for her sex was closely related to going to bed. Going to bed was the whole goal and the pinnacle of sex. It was the moment of unparalleled sweetness: you could simply say that it was her ideal come true. It was precisely because it was like this that she was somewhat too serious about it: Even something as tiny as a sesame seed could destroy her mood; she would feel joyless and lose her sexual urge. Madam X said this was her greatest limitation, and because of this she couldn’t behave; she set the standards so high that men could never reach them. Her emotions went up and down, wearying other people. But in the past she hadn’t always thought ‘‘the grass was greener on the other side.’’ It was her ‘‘occult’’ activities that changed her. They kindled her sexual prowess and summoned the demons within her, and from then on she was like a hungry wolf looking everywhere for food and provoking endless trouble. Her colleague noticed that a little girl’s innocent expression appeared on Madam X’s face as she spoke in her self-absorbed way. She despised her even more, and she wished she could kick her under the table and make her scream in pain.