Flirting with Fire: A Summer Camp Swingers novel

“Hmm. She must’ve panicked. She knows about us. Our relationship, I mean. I even told her she’s welcome to borrow you.”

“Borrow me?”

“You know what I mean.”

“Wish you’d mentioned it to me,” I grumbled.

“Paul, dear…”

“I know,” I sighed. “It’s what you do.”

“Yes. Besides, she hasn’t slept with anyone since Ken. It wasn’t very good even before they split. She has toys, but it isn’t the same. She needs a penis, Paul.”

“You oughta let me try,” Wren said in the background.

Christy sighed. “Wren, please… this is serious.”

“I know! I can totally turn her. I’ll add her to my collection.”

“She’s a person, Wren,” Christy said, “not a trophy.”

I couldn’t help but smile. I’d said the same thing to Trip, countless times. But he had matured, while Wren had regressed. The more things changed, the more they stayed the same.

“Don’t worry,” Christy told her, “Paul can do it.”

“Yeah, but who’s gonna do me?” Wren play-whined.

“Later. I told you. Now… if you don’t mind?” She paused before she returned to me. “Maybe you can try again tomorrow?”

“We’ll see,” I said noncommittally.

“Her air conditioner won’t be fixed till Monday, will it? So, invite her to the pool to hang out.”

“We’ll see,” I repeated. Christy called me Mr. Positive, but I wasn’t so sure this time. I knew a no when I heard it, and Allie had given me a hard one.

The little head did his Beavis and Butt-head impression, Hehe, hehe, she gave you a hard one.

“Oh my gosh,” Christy laughed. “I totally heard that! What did he say?”

I sighed.

“Something about a hard-on?” she guessed.

“Am I really that predictable?”

“No,” she said with a smile in her voice, “but he is.”

“You can say that again.”

“No, but he is.”

I ignored her teasing. “Anyway, I love you—”

“I love you too.”

“—and I’ll put my phone on the charger by the bed.”

“Okay. I’ll give Laurie mine before breakfast. Then maybe she won’t be so rude. I swear, Paul… One day…”

I chuckled and smiled. “I know. Anyway, I’d better let you get some sleep.”

“Or something,” she agreed, and Wren whooped in the background. “Oh, boy,” Christy sighed. “She’s turning into a teenager again. I swear. Anyway… where were we?”

“Saying goodnight.”

“Right. I love you. Sleep well. And tell Mr. Big I said hello.”

“I love you too,” I said. “G’night.”

“Goodnight.”

I closed the phone and ended the call.

“Christy says hello,” I said to the little head. “But it looks like it’s just you and Rosy tonight.”

And whose fault is that?

Not mine, I shot back.

Uh-huh. Whatever. Now, do you wanna do it in the shower for old time’s sake or in bed like a lonely bachelor?

I decided to call his bluff. Or not at all. I mean, if—

No! No! I didn’t mean it. I swear. The shower, in bed, whatever you want. We can even put in a sex tape.

I sighed. Forty years old and still jerking off.

At least the porn’s better. I mean, home movies… who doesn’t love those?

True. Speaking of which…

Yes!

* * *

My days of early morning runs were a thing of the past. I wasn’t a twenty-something anymore, or even a thirty-something. These days I did yoga instead of full-contact martial arts, and I occasionally reminded myself that getting older meant wiser too. That was the theory, at least. Sometimes I even believed it.

In any event, I didn’t get up early for workouts anymore, and especially not on a Sunday. So I was sound asleep when Laurie called at six thirty. Still, I answered on the third ring and came awake fairly quickly.

Laurie chattered about her instructors, the girls in her age group, and even the pool. Her comments mostly amounted to, “Oh my gosh, Dad, they’re so cool,” while mine were fatherly encouragement.

“Hey,” I said before we wrapped up, “do me a favor. Be nice to your mom. She’s spending a lot of time and money for your benefit.”

“I know.”

“I’m serious,” I said. “You might not know this, but she paid for this trip herself, with her own money.”

“What? I thought… I mean…”

“I offered to pay for it, but she wanted to do it herself. She wanted to go with you, too,” I added. “She didn’t need to. You could’ve gone by yourself with Wren and Missy.”

“Why? Did she come with us, I mean.”

“Why do you think? She loves you and she’s proud of you.”

“I know.”

“Then maybe you should act like it?” I suggested.

She fell silent, surly this time.

“Lauren…”

“Fine,” she huffed, “whatever.”

“Lemme give you a piece of advice,” I said patiently. “You won’t listen now, but you’ll remember it in five or ten years and have an aha moment. Trust me, I still do it.”

“Do what?”