Fool’s Quest

I glanced back at Per and Lant. Per was crouched over his little pot, adding another handful of snow. The apples and the oats waited beside him. He was explaining to Lant that it would take a lot of melted snow to make a pot of water, and then it must boil before he added the oats or the apples. I felt a burst of disgust that Lant did not know such simple things as how to cook porridge over a fire in winter. Then it came to me that his life would never have taught him such skills, any more than mine had taught me the rules of the various gambling games that pleased the nobles of Buckkeep. I wasn’t being fair to expect those things of him. But life wasn’t fair. Life does not wait for any of us to grow up. Perhaps if it had been summer, they’d have been throwing water at each other.

I looked at Lant and tried to see him dispassionately. He had grit. He’d ridden after me with that half-healed stab wound. Even now, I saw his hand stray to his healed ribs and gently rub them. I knew the ache of old injuries in the cold. He’d known I would not welcome him, and yet he’d followed me. I still didn’t understand why. Lant said something in a low voice, Per chuckled, and the crow copied him with her cawing laugh. Nothing could have made me smile tonight. I felt envy for their youth, and a spark of warmth for both of them. They’d made such a mistake today. And they’d have to pay the toll for it.

So I let them struggle. The water finally boiled, the oats and apples eventually cooked. We each had a small portion and then waited while Per cooked more. Lant looked a bit better after he had eaten. I gave the crow a stingy portion of bread. I filled my own little pot with snowmelt and made tea for us. We each had a cup and drank it slowly. I gave Per the first watch, with strict instructions that he was to keep the fire well fed. I no longer had a wolf to protect me through the night. This place and its memories were cutting my heart with loneliness and I longed for the Fool as he had been, for Nighteyes at my side. I could almost recall how the fur on the back of my wolf’s neck would have felt, tipped with cold and then warm near his skin. I reached for him but found only silence.

I showed Perseverance a star, and told him to wake Lant for his watch when the star was over the top of a fir tree. I gave Lant the same instructions, and told him to wake me when the star had journeyed into the bare branches of an oak.

“Keep watch for what?” Lant looked around the silent forest.

“Wild creatures. Big cats. Bears. Anything that might see us as prey.”

“They’re afraid of fire!” Lant insisted.

“And that’s one reason why one of us stays awake and keeps the fire fed.” He did not ask me the other reasons and I did not offer them: That at least once the Servants had used this same portal. That sometimes forest creatures were hungry enough not to fear fire.

Lant and I tried to make ourselves comfortable in the cramped tent. When we had settled back-to-back, I was grateful for his body-warmth. I had just begun to doze off when he spoke. “I know you didn’t want me to follow you.”

“Coming through the Skill-portal with me when I didn’t expect you or Perseverance was incredibly dangerous. We were very lucky.” I thought about taking them back through the pillar. The obvious broke over me. Perhaps one of Nettle’s Skill-users could come through and then take them back, so I didn’t have to. Belatedly, I realized that I had not told Nettle that we were safe. I composed myself and reached out.

“Why do you dislike me so much?”

“Hush. I’m trying to Skill.” I pushed his blunt question aside. I reached out. Nettle? Dutiful?

I heard a distant music, like wind in the trees. I focused on it and tried to draw it closer to me. Fitz? Fitz? Hearing Dutiful was like listening to someone shout over driven surf. His thought was carried to me on Thick’s Skill-music, like flotsam tossed on a wave. I pushed my thoughts at him. We’re all safe. Lant and Perseverance came with me.

Perseverance?

The stable boy from Withywoods.

What happened? You were silent so long!

We needed to build a shelter and make a fire right away. It’s very cold here.

Fitz, it’s been a full day since you left, and a bit more than that.

Oh. I was silent for a time, absorbing that. It didn’t seem that way. It seemed as if we stepped in and out again.

Fitz?