Forty Words for Sorrow

"Well, yeah, that's what everybody figured. But they never figured out who. Place was locked up tight. Crane's sitting outside, no keys in it. Foreman had the keys. It was spooky. They kept it really quiet and everything, but- maybe I shouldn't tell you…"

"Tell me what? Go on, tell me. You can't start a story and then quit halfway."

"It's a long time ago, I guess I can tell you. The Vatican sent one of their investigators over here. A priest who was also a scientist. Only reason I know, they had to tell us. It was a professional courtesy."

"The Vatican. They find anything?"

"Nope. It's a mystery. They do call her Our Lady of Mysteries."

"That's right. I forgot that. That's a good story, Cardinal. I think you made it up, though."

"Why would I do a thing like that? I'm sitting in a church, I'm not about to start blaspheming. Who knows what could happen?"

"It's a good story. You could tell it to Peter Gzowsky. He's a good listener. That's what got him on the air."

"That show's not on anymore, Kiki. You miss things like that in prison. Are you aware of the legal concept of menacing?"

"It hurts me that you could even think something like that. I'd never threaten you. I always liked you. I liked you right up till you slapped the cuffs on me. All I'm saying is I'd be nervous sitting beside a guy who could remove my arms and legs and lay them out in front of me."

"You're forgetting you're a lot stupider than me, Kiki."

Air whistled in the flattened nostrils. Over the one eye, the eyelid lowered to half-mast. "Rick Bouchard got fifteen years 'cause of you. Ten of those years are up. He could be out any day now."

"Think so? I don't see Rick racking up points for good behavior."

"He could be out any day now. But the point is, when he gets out, he's going to want his money. I mean, look at it from his point of view. Here he is doing fifteen years for a few kilos and five hundred grand. He loses the fifteen, the kilos, and the five hundred grand. He doesn't even mind that."

"Yeah, I heard that about Bouchard. Very even-tempered."

"Really, it's not about that. You were just doing your job. But here's the thing. The thing is, Rick had seven hundred thousand, not five. Seven. So all's he wants back is the two hundred thousand. That's pretty reasonable. The way Rick sees it, taking that money wasn't part of your job."

"Rick says, Rick thinks. That's what I admire about you, Kiki. Your independent spirit. You always go your own way. Real maverick."

The one good eye, red-rimmed, regarded him- sadly? It was difficult to tell, one eye being harder to read than two. Kiki rubbed his nose with the letter F and sniffed. "You told me a good story. Now I gotta tell you one."

"Is it about how you lost your eye?"

"No. It's about this guy. There was this guy in my block. Not Rick's block, my block, you understand? They had to move him out of Rick's block 'cause- well, I guess you could say 'cause he was an independent spirit. Real maverick.

"Anyways. He moves into my block. And I guess he figures he's home free because he like immediately starts trying to run with the big boys. Which you don't do. You work your way up. See, he could've come to me, asked my advice how to patch things up with Rick. I could've helped. There wasn't that much money involved. Not like you. But, he was like you say, an independent spirit, a real maverick, so he didn't come to me. And instead of ending up friends with Rick, instead of doing his time safe and sound, guess where he ended up?"

"I don't know, Kiki. Banff?"

"Banff? Where'd you get Banff?"

"Sorry. Just tell me. Where'd he end up?"

"I guess his own conscience got to him after a while. Because he went to bed one night and spontaneously combusted." The red-rimmed eye looked Cardinal up and down. It was like being examined by an oyster. "I'm telling you, I never heard screams like that. There's a lot of metal in prison, you know? Acoustics are not designed for comfort. But even so. It frightened me, him screaming like that. And the smell of a human being on fire, well, it's not very nice. Total mystery, too. Like your Virgin. A miracle, maybe. Guy just spontaneously combusting like that. They never did figure out how it happened."

Cardinal glanced up at the Virgin and, without thinking, said a little prayer. Help me do the right thing.

"So. You're just going to sit there, you're not going to say anything? What's the matter? You didn't like my story?"

"No, no, it's not that." Cardinal leaned toward the flat round face, the one stewed eye. "It's just kind of weird for me, Kiki. I've never talked to an actual cyclops before."

"Huh." Kiki shifted his weight, the pew creaking under him. Cardinal left him contemplating his knuckles. First fuck, then you. He was back at the baptismal font, when Kiki called after him, "That's funny, Cardinal. I'm going to be laughing at that for a long time. Couple of years from now? There you'll be: dead and all. And there I'll be: laughing. You're such an independent spirit."